And… We’ll… Keep On Fighting, ‘Till The End!

 We Are the Champions!

Wow!  I’m at a loss for words.  Okay, just kidding.  You know me, blah, blah, blah!  What a great way to start a Friday morning.  I awoke to the news that I had won the “Hot Blogger Contest”.  I guess it’s true what they say, good guys do finish last.  I should go into the “I’d like to thank the academy” speech, but I’m not quite sure if that’s appropriate here.  But I would like to thank all the little people.  Without the midget demographic squarely in my corner, I wouldn’t have stood a chance.

 

Being “crowned” the Hot Blogger Champion like this, at least now I finally know how W felt after the 2000 election.  Thank you to the supreme court of beautiful ladies for handing me this great honor.  I will hold the title with great respect and very rarely get arrested in a hotel room with an eightball, my midget gimp, and three hookers.  If I do get arrested, I’ll be sure when the news cameras are on me during my perp walk to cover my face using my new 2007 HBB Championship hoodie.

 

Just to let you know, I haven’t won anything since 8th grade when Kilmore, my level 36 ranger, defeated that tricky wizard, Billy from home room.  So, needless to say, this comes as a big surprise.  The Ladies did forget one little thing though; they forgot to ask me the obligatory after a championship question.  “HDW, you just won the Hot Blogger Bracket Contest, what are you going to do now?”  To which I will point both hands to the heavens and exclaim, “F**k Disney Land, I’m going to The Gold Club, Pacman Jones style!!!!  Now, where’s my wad of ones?”

 

There are so many people to thank.  I definitely need to thank my dad for really laying it to my mom good on that cold and bitter night 35 years, 8 months, and 22 days ago.  They were on their way back from a romantic dinner at Red Lobster (come on, it was shrimp fest month guys!) when the station wagon broke down.  So, they did what any middle class hard working Christian people would do back in the 70’s; they had unprotected sex and made a baby.  Good job dad, great job mom!  I still love Shrimp Fest month to this day.

 

I do agree with Digital Headbutt that I had reason to be concerned all along about facing him in my conference.  Our conference vote totals weren’t even close to that of the other conferences so I knew that match-up was probably the end of the line for me, and it should be treated as my championship game.  Mr. White appeared to have a loyal fan base, every station at the UNC computer lab ready for action, and the Tar Heels baseball team pulling miracles out of every orifice known to man, so I had reason for concern.  Good luck to your boys in the College World Series this weekend.  Go ‘Heels!  By the way, great job slaying all those number ones and number twos for me dude.  Wait, I think that came out wrong????

 

I would like to thank the 2001 New England Patriots for teaching me that dreams do come true and that grown men can wear hoodies (color: gray, size: 4XL for my hoodie by the way).  Thank you Tom Brady for showing me that sowing the seeds of love with every super model you meet was not just a great article in Hustler.  Porn movie scenarios can come true.  You’ve given me that sparkle of hope that every time I go into the bank that me and three of the tellers may actually end up bumping uglies in the bank vault simply by me lifting one eyebrow and smoothly explaining how I’d like to make a large deposit.

 

I would also like to dedicate this trophy to the 1986 Red Sox.  It was the first team to make me cry like a bitch, and the first time my dad called me a little f**king baby.  He looked over at me as I was wiping my noses and said, “Son, when you’ve rooted for this team and had your balls stomped in for over four decades, then you can cry like a little f**king baby.  Until then, shut up and get me a beer!”  I became a man that day.  Of course, Buckner will get two copies of the trophy… his and Roger Clemens.  F**king traitor!!!!

 

I do love the “love spread” that was setup for the “crowning” of the champion with my photo in the middle (great spatial design skills Starter Wife).  I did notice one thing.  I had no idea one of the greatest TV shows of all-time—Magnum P.I.—had a brand of condoms!  Now that I know about this, I’m going to grow out my porn star ‘stache again, put on my favorite Hawaiian shirt, and make some black guy fly me around in a helicopter.  Now, where’s that asshole Higgins?

 

All kidding aside, I’d like to bore you all for two minutes and present a real thank you list.  I would like to thank the HDW friends and family network that voted for me and put up with my constant emailing and vote begging.  Even thanks to the ones who replied “Take me off of your distribution list you loser!”  I’d like to thank all my male friends for only making fun of that “gay ass” photo of mine behind my back.  Just to let you know, that “gay ass” photo has some meaning, assholes!  [HDW sobbing and slightly weaping at his keyboard]  So remember that when you find it hidden in your wife’s panty drawer next to her ‘rabbit.


I’d like to thank my other half (The Wearer of the Pants in HDW land) for rallying the troops on her side of the aisle and getting me many, many votes.  She also began the email campaign that everyone grew to “love”.  I shall reward you tonight… twice. 
I’d like to thank Reagan—my beautiful dog and the HDW mascot—who ate an entire chicken carcass Sunday night and prevented me from trying to garner anymore much needed votes that evening.  That emergency put it all into perspective (call me a p*ssy for that and I’ll punch you in the throat).  Thanks to the two friends that same night who noticed I was losing by ten votes at midnight without knowing I was out of commission and took it upon themselves to help.  Good job Q-the-Impaler and Dave FF Guru (aka, McDive the Welcome to the Suck of Fantasy Football).

 

Never in a million years would I imagine you’d want to do this again, but if you did I’d join in a heart beat.  Good times.  So, since this is it, I guess that makes me life-long champ???… just kidding.  Seriously, thanks a million for the “award” and for all the hard work everyone on the Ladies side put in.  They quite literally worked their asses off on this one and deserve a much bigger award than me, so whoever is in charge of “thanking” them in their lives, make it a double for me tonight, they deserve it.  Again, much love to the beautiful ladies of Ladies dot dot dot.  I can’t wait to see what y’all have up your sleeves next (just kidding about the hoodie size, make it a large).

 

Oh, and one last thing, to the other guys that “lost”… EAT IT BITCHES!!!!!!       

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Posted on June 22, 2007, in General, Sports. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. The Wearer of the Pants

    Thanks for the props, dear :)
    For those that voted for the picture (that is getting some hilarious comments on the Ladies site)… it really has a significance having to do with HDW’s late father. So I know it means a lot to him.
    For those that voted for the dog’s picture (blog sponsor Reagan)… she did really eat an 8 lb chicken Sunday night giving us a huge scare (and a huge vet bill).
    … and finally the writing; He’s hilarious and gorgeous! I’m a lucky girl.
    So, I wish we had made a bet on this one, too. It seemed like a long shot, similar to the Red Sox actually wining the world series. Oh, did I just bring that up again, whoops! :)
    This is SO going to go to his head!

  2. Wearer of Pants, you are indeed a lucky woman.
    And Congrats HDW.

  3. A well earned victory, HDW.

  4. Well done, sir.

    Chicken bones? *winces* I hope the ‘little one’ is doing well. Honestly, that’s a scary scenario for any dog owner.

    Anyhow, keep up the, er, good work… of, um, being hot? Yeah, this is getting awkward.

    Congrats.

  5. Yeeaaaah, umm HDW we need to talk.
    You just won some hottie tournament which might possibly expand your female demographic. Yet here we have a female posting comments about how great you are.
    Not only is this an blatant cockblock, but her moniker indicates your lack of cojones in the relationship. She’s one Bobby Bowden joke away from pulling off an amazing trifecta.

    A little bit of advice here if I may: Get married already and invest in some fantasy football guides. The latter is off topic but still relevant for the upcoming months.

    P.S.-thanks for the shout out snookie.

  6. Good to see all my late night hard work paid off. I’ll take you up on that round of drinks now. Name the Thursday and I’ll be there.

  7. Glad to hear it! I’ll be nice for one brief moment and say it’s well-deserved. :)

    That being said, WOTP, you know he’d have welched on this bet as well so don’t feel too bad for having missed that opportunity. ;)

  8. Well done, some strive to end world hunger, invent the longer lasting light bulb or even a cure for the common cold, but where they have failed, you my friend, have Succeeded. So what next? Spend the wealth you have accumulated for this achievement? Oh…you didn’t win any money? What about the fame? Oh, no one really cares? Well you can sleep soundly tonight with your heroic deed and ask yourself? Why am I so bitter? That is for yet another blog. Well done Hot Blogger, well done! Louis Pasteur would be proud!!

  9. TheStarterBoyfriend

    I too bow and thrust my top-hat to you in a gentlemanly fashion, sir. Well won. You made TSW and many of the Ladies… misty-eyed with your comment. Thank you for being a true mensch.

  10. The Wearer of the Pants

    Hey Guru – He acknowledged me first! I wouldn’t have messed up his game in the blogger community!
    Don’t try dragging the rest of the world into your “blissful” married people club! HDW and I figured out a long time ago what you were all up to and we’re not falling for it for one second. :-)

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