Category Archives: Punditry

If I Wanted America To Fail

What Does A Democrat Say?

And In Future NASCAR News…

I was reading an article about the Ford Fusion Hybrid being the pace car for this weekends race (first hybrid pace car ever) and it dawned on me….. what happens to NASCAR in 25 years when they outlaw the internal combustion engine?  Either they go renegade like back during the early years of running moonshine (my vote), or they convert to electric cars.  Imagine that pit stop for Dale Jr the Third!

“I think I can make it without coming in for a charge dadgummit,” exclaims Third!

“Damn it Third, get that Hyundai/Stella/Duracell/Amp/NAACP 3.5 car in here and plugged into the outlet this instant!  Mark Martin is already charging his car and will be back out there in less than six hours,” screams Third’s crew chief, Dale Jr.

“Come on Daddy, I can make it!.  Just throw me out the Lowes Depot extension cord…. it’ll reach this time!!!!!!

Later that evening on SportsCenter… “Tonight on SportsCenter, highlights of the Taco Bell Mexico City 500, Third coming in next to the last place, just beating out Kyle Petty once again, after thinking he can make it to the finish line with just half an ohm left in the ‘tank’.”  What do you have to say Third,” asks the ESPN reporter as Third takes a big gulp of Stella Light?  “This is bull!  These Inductive Voltage Restrictor Plates can kiss my country !!!”  Back to you Stu.<!–Dananuant Dananuant>

Veggies For Everyone!

IMG00439, originally uploaded by DMBPearl.

This is where we always leave the vegetable plate for Jags tailgating.

New President’s (Insert Something Here)

Okay, I’ve received about 50 emails over the past couple weeks outlining the “New President’s <insert something here>” and just to let everyone know… I GET IT, HE’S BLACK!!!!  We know, our president is a black guy but we’re going to have to be a little more original than this.  Ha, ha, ha, Air Force One is now the plane from that movie Soul Plane.  He, he, he, the White House will no longer stock mayo in the fridge but will carry magnums in the medicine cabinets.  LOL, the presidential automobile is now a stretch limo with 22s and a bad ass stereo system.  LMAO, the Secret Service agents are now issued weapons that are fully automatic and… oh wait, that’s the same.

Point being, it wasn’t funny to me when a president from Texas was parodied none stop as a cowboy or one from Arkansas a hillbilly.  This kind of humor is not funny people!!!!  Learn to have a little sensitivity and above all else, a sense of humor.  With that being said, this photo of the President’s New Dog is totally spot on.


Join Now… Before Your Neighbor Does!

Chairman 0bama’s Civilian National Security Force**
There’s only one thing worse than a nosy neighbor, and that’s a nosy neighbor who’s part of a civilian national security force.  Join Now!

**Child-sized Waffen shirts available in brown only.

Red Meat, Blue Balls!

Red Dawn
The attached image and link is that of the 2008 presidential election results by county.  Some interesting observations (besides all that red gun clinging).

  • Thanks a lot college towns of Gainesville and Tallahassee in Florida.  Isn’t it enough we’re paying for your college already?  You unappreciative assholes.
  • Check out that one big square in the middle of Maine that went for McCain.  Looks like Bob, Jimmy, and Bill, the only three guys that live in that area, are being surrounded.  Don’t give up!
  • Checkout the border counties with Mexico.  It almost forms a fence of blue.  And that’s the only fence you’ll see down there for a while.
  • California isn’t liberal, only the people who live at the beach.  And I’m assuming that red county in Southern California is called San Diego.
  • Oklahoma — The only state with every county going for one candidate.  I said state!  Small cities they call states like the Peoples Republic of Vermont doesn’t count.
  • That white county in the middle of Colorado…. they were all too stoned to go vote, so no one won.
  • If anyone can tell me exactly why there’s a distinct and defined strip of blue through the middle of the Carolinas, Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi I would appreciate it.  I checked google maps and it’s not a major Interstate system causing it.  It has me baffled.
REDRUM!

REDRUM!

Join Now; Report Your Neighbors Later!

We all get wrapped in the name calling and labeling of political candidates during the election; some more than others (wink, wink).  The left likes to call the right a bunch of Nazis and their leader Hitler, and the right likes to call the left a bunch of communists and their leader a douche…. wait, no, I mean Stalin.  This labeling itself is labeled hyperbole by those more tempered and reasoned in the middle — most of the time rightfully so.  Well, this article and particularly the below statement is where I feel comfortable enough to call a politician’s policy position surprisingly “Stalin-esque”, for lack of a better term.  Bring in the quote Internet….

“We cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we’ve set,” Obama said in July. “We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.”

Just as powerful and well-funded?  No, that’s not some tinpot dictator explaining to the “electorate” about the need for a security force to rival that of an existing military force to protect it from domestic tyranny.  More times than not—and in third world countries specifically—both military forces are controlled by rival political parties and used against those citizens they’re charged to protect.  A nationalized force under the command of one leader and without jurisdiction is the first and main ingredient in countries where a military Coup d’etat needs to occur for politicians to retain power beyond their constitutional shelf life.  Our constitution explicitly rejects a national police force for that very reason.  When a leader speaks of such things, regardless of party, we all need to take notice and speak out.  Please folks, pay attention beyond the American Idol election results for once in this country.

America Inline — You’ve Gots Mail

In an apparent mix up (or more like an ominous sign of things to come), people working hard for Chairman 0bama failed to “get paid” like they were promised.  Several hundred 0bama campaign workers were in long lines and angry over supposed unpaid wages.  One incensed worker put it all into prose only a great poet could manage.

“I want my money today! It’s my money. I want it right now!” yelled one former campaign worker.

As the day wore on, several people began to get really mad and wondered when they were “gettin’ paid”.  Speak power to truth my friend….

“Still that’s not right. I’m disappointed. I’m glad for the president, but I’m disappointed in this system,” said Diane Jefferson, temporary campaign worker.

You’re disappointed in the system?  Get on the bus my friend.  You think that line was long…. wait until you have a tumor and need a CT Scan.

“It should have been $480. It’s $230,” said Imani Sankofa.

“They gave us $10 an hour. So we added it. I added up all the hours so it was supposed to be at least $120. All I get is $90,” said Charles Martin.

Hmmmm?  Mr. Martin worked $120 dollars worth and only got paid $90?  That’s just like a 25% tax rate!!!!!  Imani worked even harder and earned $480 but only got paid $230?  Oh my God, that’s like a 47% tax rate!!!!  They shouldn’t be allowed to take more from you just because you worked longer hours.  That must be very taxing on Imani.

“I worked nine hours a day for 4 days and got paid half of what I should have earned,” said Randall Waldon.

What?  You were taxed at a 50% rate and Imani was taxed only 47% just because you worked harder and longer and earned more?  Oh, hell no!!!!!

Some people weren’t satisfied with filling out a claim form for money they felt was still due to them.

Yeah!  No American should have to fill out countless forms to get their money.  I wonder if they’re going to make you wait until April 15 to give you your hard earned money too?  Assholes!!!

“They say that they gonna call you or they going to mail it to you, but I don’t know. We’ll see what happens,” said Antron Grose.

“Talking about they’ll mail it to us. I ain’t worried about that, man. They’re not going to mail nothin’,” said Martin.

I’m going out on a limb here and venture to say that the reporter got Antone’s name wrong; unless of course his momma was a big Voltron fan.  But it’s good to see that Martin has faith in the system and believes they’re going to not not mail him somethin’ soon though.  You still have hope for that change my man, and I respec that (even though for two straight days now I’ve walked by the bus station and there’s still poor people waiting on the bus).

Just like me, Martin is not going to not think 0bama is not a great president and pay his bills on time.  Just don’t let them float you a microwaved check on the Friday before a three day weekend Martin.  If that’s going to be the case, just pay me in cheese, thank you very much.

On Your Marx…

O Marx The Spot
Anyone that knows me knows I have a special place in my heart for politicians who use class warfare and welfare as a means to redistribute wealth and gain power.  The purpose of a governments power of taxation is to collectively pool resources together and perform tasks and build infrastructure that the private sector is unwilling or incapable of performing (i.e., roads, bridges, militia).  Collecting taxes explicitly for the purpose of giving free health care to 10% of the population at a cost to the other 90% (cost in dollar amount and quality of care) is not what our government is tasked with doing according to our constitution.

Today, the power to tax is the power to kill or take someone’s life.  Taking money from someone who spends valuable time away from their families earning it is the same as a government imprisoning someone.  My federal government has taken five years of my life away by threat of imprisonment and everyone else who had made the conscious decision to actually work for a living.  Those who spent years getting an education and forgoing partying throughout their twenties are now going to be asked to finance another persons decade of drinking, getting high, screwing around, and spitting out babies.  We all make choices and we should all have to live with those choices.

But alas, alone comes our savior.  Our lord and savior Chairman 0bama.  The audio in the link above is further and mounting proof that this country is soon going to be a socialist nation, filled with the have nots and the have nots.  Oh, and the political elites, aka the haves……. Marx Chairman 0bama’s words!

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