“I think I can make it without coming in for a charge dadgummit,” exclaims Third!

“Damn it Third, get that Hyundai/Stella/Duracell/Amp/NAACP 3.5 car in here and plugged into the outlet this instant!  Mark Martin is already charging his car and will be back out there in less than six hours,” screams Third’s crew chief, Dale Jr.

“Come on Daddy, I can make it!.  Just throw me out the Lowes Depot extension cord…. it’ll reach this time!!!!!!

Later that evening on SportsCenter… “Tonight on SportsCenter, highlights of the Taco Bell Mexico City 500, Third coming in next to the last place, just beating out Kyle Petty once again, after thinking he can make it to the finish line with just half an ohm left in the ‘tank’.”  What do you have to say Third,” asks the ESPN reporter as Third takes a big gulp of Stella Light?  “This is bull!  These Inductive Voltage Restrictor Plates can kiss my country !!!”  Back to you Stu.<!–Dananuant Dananuant>

This is where we always leave the vegetable plate for Jags tailgating.

Ready for the Jaguars season to begin once again. 433!!!!

Never name anything Meat Sticks. Ever!

Point being, it wasn’t funny to me when a president from Texas was parodied none stop as a cowboy or one from Arkansas a hillbilly.  This kind of humor is not funny people!!!!  Learn to have a little sensitivity and above all else, a sense of humor.  With that being said, this photo of the President’s New Dog is totally spot on.

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**Child-sized Waffen shirts available in brown only.

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• Thanks a lot college towns of Gainesville and Tallahassee in Florida.  Isn’t it enough we’re paying for your college already?  You unappreciative assholes.
• Check out that one big square in the middle of Maine that went for McCain.  Looks like Bob, Jimmy, and Bill, the only three guys that live in that area, are being surrounded.  Don’t give up!
• Checkout the border counties with Mexico.  It almost forms a fence of blue.  And that’s the only fence you’ll see down there for a while.
• California isn’t liberal, only the people who live at the beach.  And I’m assuming that red county in Southern California is called San Diego.
• Oklahoma — The only state with every county going for one candidate.  I said state!  Small cities they call states like the Peoples Republic of Vermont doesn’t count.
• That white county in the middle of Colorado…. they were all too stoned to go vote, so no one won.
• If anyone can tell me exactly why there’s a distinct and defined strip of blue through the middle of the Carolinas, Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi I would appreciate it.  I checked google maps and it’s not a major Interstate system causing it.  It has me baffled.

REDRUM!

“We cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we’ve set,” Obama said in July. “We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.”

Just as powerful and well-funded?  No, that’s not some tinpot dictator explaining to the “electorate” about the need for a security force to rival that of an existing military force to protect it from domestic tyranny.  More times than not—and in third world countries specifically—both military forces are controlled by rival political parties and used against those citizens they’re charged to protect.  A nationalized force under the command of one leader and without jurisdiction is the first and main ingredient in countries where a military Coup d’etat needs to occur for politicians to retain power beyond their constitutional shelf life.  Our constitution explicitly rejects a national police force for that very reason.  When a leader speaks of such things, regardless of party, we all need to take notice and speak out.  Please folks, pay attention beyond the American Idol election results for once in this country.

“I want my money today! It’s my money. I want it right now!” yelled one former campaign worker.

As the day wore on, several people began to get really mad and wondered when they were “gettin’ paid”.  Speak power to truth my friend….

“Still that’s not right. I’m disappointed. I’m glad for the president, but I’m disappointed in this system,” said Diane Jefferson, temporary campaign worker.

You’re disappointed in the system?  Get on the bus my friend.  You think that line was long…. wait until you have a tumor and need a CT Scan.

“It should have been $480. It’s $230,” said Imani Sankofa.

“They gave us $10 an hour. So we added it. I added up all the hours so it was supposed to be at least $120. All I get is $90,” said Charles Martin.

Hmmmm?  Mr. Martin worked $120 dollars worth and only got paid $90?  That’s just like a 25% tax rate!!!!!  Imani worked even harder and earned $480 but only got paid $230?  Oh my God, that’s like a 47% tax rate!!!!  They shouldn’t be allowed to take more from you just because you worked longer hours.  That must be very taxing on Imani.

“I worked nine hours a day for 4 days and got paid half of what I should have earned,” said Randall Waldon.

What?  You were taxed at a 50% rate and Imani was taxed only 47% just because you worked harder and longer and earned more?  Oh, hell no!!!!!

Some people weren’t satisfied with filling out a claim form for money they felt was still due to them.

Yeah!  No American should have to fill out countless forms to get their money.  I wonder if they’re going to make you wait until April 15 to give you your hard earned money too?  Assholes!!!

“They say that they gonna call you or they going to mail it to you, but I don’t know. We’ll see what happens,” said Antron Grose.

“Talking about they’ll mail it to us. I ain’t worried about that, man. They’re not going to mail nothin’,” said Martin.

I’m going out on a limb here and venture to say that the reporter got Antone’s name wrong; unless of course his momma was a big Voltron fan.  But it’s good to see that Martin has faith in the system and believes they’re going to not not mail him somethin’ soon though.  You still have hope for that change my man, and I respec that (even though for two straight days now I’ve walked by the bus station and there’s still poor people waiting on the bus).

Just like me, Martin is not going to not think 0bama is not a great president and pay his bills on time.  Just don’t let them float you a microwaved check on the Friday before a three day weekend Martin.  If that’s going to be the case, just pay me in cheese, thank you very much.

Today, the power to tax is the power to kill or take someone’s life.  Taking money from someone who spends valuable time away from their families earning it is the same as a government imprisoning someone.  My federal government has taken five years of my life away by threat of imprisonment and everyone else who had made the conscious decision to actually work for a living.  Those who spent years getting an education and forgoing partying throughout their twenties are now going to be asked to finance another persons decade of drinking, getting high, screwing around, and spitting out babies.  We all make choices and we should all have to live with those choices.

But alas, alone comes our savior.  Our lord and savior Chairman 0bama.  The audio in the link above is further and mounting proof that this country is soon going to be a socialist nation, filled with the have nots and the have nots.  Oh, and the political elites, aka the haves……. Marx Chairman 0bama’s words!

Sorry John, but Mrs.Palin is absolutely bad to the bone.  The only thing I worried about was her speaking skills.  Well, I got to tell you that after watching her first speech, I’m not worried anymore.  Not at all.  Can she speak?  YES, SHE CAN!  Can she lead?  YES, SHE CAN!  Can she hunt, and fish, and raise a family of five (including a special needs child), and be a beauty queen, and become mayor, and become governor, and reform state wide corruption?  YES, SHE CAN (and did)!

Can she become VP?  YES, SHE CAN!

Can she become president?  YES, SHE CAN!

I just can’t stop thinking about what Hillary is doing right now.  She’s probably still in her bedroom, still in bed, and still in her long flannel granny pajamas, curled up with a large box of bonbons and Kleenex watching CNN while Bubba keeps bringing in various soups for her to try.  “I hate you Bill and this sh|tty worthless and loveless marriage I endured for you… and for what?  Why lord, why?!?!?  I could’ve married Webster Hubbell when I had the chance.”  To which Bill will reply, “Wait, is that Palin speaking on TV?  That’s not her daughter?  <mumbling under his breath>Wow, the chicks are that hot in Alaska!?!?  Honey, you know what you need?  A long vacation.  Hey, I’ve got an idea.  Let’s buy a nice summer vacation home…. in Alaska!”  To which Hillary will snap back, “It’s winter and we can’t afford it Bill, I spent all our money on a failed campaign, remember that asshole?”  While running out of the room and slamming the door to avoid the hot bowl of soup Hillary threw at him, he replies, “YES, WE CAN!”

And to think, the best part of all.  Now our grandchildren will never ever ever need to know who Hillary Clinton was when they read their history books.  “Look Mommy, one of many random and generic senators from New York!”  And Bill Clinton will not be the first first gentleman either.  Be gone Clintons, be gone forever!  This is a great day in history for history my friends.  A great day indeed.  Drinks on me!

Note: About six minutes into the video, check out what this photographer decided to do.  Not cool dude, not cool.  A little respect for our future VP (and four years from now, president).

I highly recommend to anyone that they read some of his works about the “fun side” of socialism/communism and their cool winter labor camps known affectionately by Stalin as gulags.  The next time you long for your government to grow and take care of you and your children, just think of Ivan Denisovich.  If you think John McCain endured intense pain for his country, wait until you read Denisovich.  At least in McCain’s case it was his enemy—not his own government—that inflicted it upon him.

Rest in peace comrade Ivan, rest in peace.

One of the quick and obvious correlations between America and Batman would be the need for temporary private data collection, giving them the tools to save lives in the battle against terrorism.  Batman’s cellphone SONAR program, regardless of it’s blatant intrusion on privacy, was temporarily necessary to stop the bad guy of the day.  Yes, Batman may have played fast and loose with civil liberties, but he ensured it was put into place in a temporary fashion, giving someone else control to end the program immediately after it’s use was no longer needed.

Batman is also a young naive rich man with big ideals and even bigger ideas.  Nice Batpod, dude!  Nice space shuttle, man!  America gets labeled with the, “oh, you’re like a rich teenager with a bunch of money to burn trying to tell others how to live or what to do.”  I’ve been told by several people that America is looked upon world wide as a rich child incapable of making rational decisions because of its rather young existence on the world stage.  Even though both Batman and America have saved everyones asses before, no one really cares now.  Both Gotham and the world have very short term memories and a “what have you done for me lately” mentality.  Remember, two of Batman’s greatest assets (since he has no super powers) is his youth and, well, his assets.  Exuberant youth and tons and tons of cash to spend and do what is needed to win.  This is also one of America’s strongest assets as well.  What some feel is blind arrogance I feel is one of our most important assets — youth and money.  Old and rich just gets you someone like Alfred… also known as a country like England.  Wise yes, but the wherewithal to fight the good fight is just not there like it used to be back in the glory days.  Keep trying to give us good advice old chap, but after that just bring us our work boots, tights, and cape please.

Batman also has certain codes, codes he tries to never break, even when it’s at a detriment to himself.  He will sacrifice and put himself in harm’s way just to ensure these codes aren’t broken and civilians are protected.  Nothing sounds more American than this one.  We’ve bent over backwards to minimize civilian casualties and protect civilians and have lost good men in the process.  Soldiers lay their lives down every day in the world in an attempt to protect the innocent.  That’s what we do, protect the innocent.  Do you really think oil rich next door neighbors Canada and Mexico would exist today if our “super power” was used for imperialistic purpose?  Of course not, but we have a code, we have honor.

An even more glaring but not as obvious similarity was what Alfred said to Batman.  And I paraphrase, “The ones doing the hard and nasty work necessary to ensure the survival of civilization is almost universally hated for taking on said task.”  Not sure what the exact quote was (I will find it soon), but sitting in the movie at the time I felt the statement explained well what America is going through now.  Sometimes the right thing to do makes you unpopular and unlovable, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the right thing to do and that it still has to be done.  If you’re lucky only half of the people involved will hate you for your actions.  Alfred’s point was that it’s easy to be liked when you’re doing nothing and not getting your hands dirty.  Some politicians want us to be liked all around the world and will pay any long term cost for such a short term gain.  Anyone who has ever done anything that requires making tough decisions knows full well you’re more than likely not going to be liked for making them.  But who’s going to make them?  Canada?  France?  Germany?  These countries, which I like to call Robin, are great as sidekicks but would get their asses handed to them without Batman there to bail them out.  Trust me, the Jokers of the world like Hitler, Stalin, and Saddam, would love for these much loved countries of the world to be the only “super powers”.  Villains love job security.

So, it’s easy.  We can finally be liked again simply by going back to the days of a playboy like Bill Clinton (Bruce Wayne pre-batman), where we drop a few dollars on charity events here and there (symbolism over substance), making us feel good and loved by all, but solve and preserve nothing.  Or, we can fight our enemies to protect what we hold to be true and right while being a target figuratively and quite literally.  Ultimately, we’ll be hated by all who take freedom for granted and think it’s just there without anyone needing to protect it, and fight for it, and bleed for it, and even die for it.  I don’t know about you, but I’m with Batman…. and America.  At least until Captain America comes out.

I know what you’re thinking — did I accidentally post the wrong video?  Nope, that’s the “horrible” video the democrats are fuming about.  Without going into the obvious rant about how thin-skinned and weak-minded these idiots on the left always seem to be, I’ll instead comment on the left’s common response to anything that “hits a little too close to home” for them.  What’s their common response you ask?  What, righteous indignation, of course.

“The fact that Senator McCain can’t get his own party to take down this misleading, personal attack ad raises serious questions about his promise to the American people that he will run a civil, respectful campaign,” Obama spokesman Hari Sevugan said in a statement.

So, let me see if I have this straight, McCain should be held responsible for this ad—which McCain has already condemned and begged to be taken down—but Barry Obama shouldn’t be held responsible for what his pastor of twenty years preached to him and his young children?  Got it!  We should hold McCain responsible for what the local Republican party of North Carolina preaches, but not what Obama’s preacher preaches!?!?!?  How does this sound democrats?

No, no, no, not God bless Barack Obama… GOD DAMN BARACK OBAMA!!!!  GOD DAMN BARACK OBAMA!!!!

Hurts doesn’t it Barry?

It has been announced today that Major League Baseball is only .082% Asian.  When calculating management and coaching staff only, the Asian population in Major League Baseball is a paltry .00082%, which equates to 1/4 of a person – the assistant third base coach for the Dodgers, Chuck Johnson (his great grandmother lived in Hawaii as a teenager).

This travesty of justice must be corrected.  You only have to look at how well blacks are represented in professional baseball to understand why this wrong must be righted.  It was announced today that 8.2% of the MLB population is black, and with the total black population in America at around 12%, many feathers were ruffled.  The NAACP was quoted today as saying, “We want 4% more blacks represented in Major League Baseball, and we want it now!”  The federal government promised to tear down basketball courts everywhere and build baseball diamonds throughout the inner city immediately.

The study on diversity in baseball had this to say.

“Baseball has probably lost a whole generation here,” Lapchick said. “African-Americans just aren’t playing it at this point. They’re going to have to increase their efforts.”

Wait, “they” are going to have to increase “their” efforts?  Who is “they,” baseball or black kids?

Once again, the study failed to address the even less represented Asians in baseball.  The commissioner of baseball was quick to try and reclassify David Ortiz as three black guys, but the citizens of Boston immediately began to riot when they heard the news that they would have to root for a black guy as their number one sports hero.  So, the commissioner of baseball did the only other thing he knew to do — he called the commissioner of football to see if they could spare any black athletes for the cause.  A MLB representative was asked if they had a message for the NFL, to which he replied ”Yes!  Come on guys, the NFL is 82% black…. stop hogging all the good athletes!”

An NFL official, who requested annonimity on the grounds he was a white guy, was quoted as saying ”If we [NFL] gave up any black athletes to them [MLB] it would drop us below our required 80% quota, and that is completely unacceptable.”  The commisoner of the NBA hung up almost immediately and refused to comment on their quota requirements, except to say, “Listen, we have a 4.0% white player rate in the NBA which we’re proud of, and with Dirk out with a knee injury we’re down to 3%, so please leave us alone.”

[Editor's Note: After exstensively searching ESPN's website, we couldn't find one article referencing the racist issue of such a low white player ratio in the NBA, and even lower Asian rate.  The fact that not one Jew is playing in the NBA has raised some eyebrows with many, but not ESPN.  They're way too busy trying to count how many "blacks" play in Major League Baseball and how to classify African-Caribbean-Americans.  You stay classy ESPN, you stay classy.]

Not that anyone wants to put something so serious as war in the form of a lame and possibly disrespectful analogy, but everyone wants to know when we as team supporters should give up and leave the stadium to beat traffic.  Personally, I’ve always been part of the 1/3 that stay in the stadium regardless of whether my team is ahead, behind, or getting hammered by the opposition with no chance of even a miracle comeback.  With that said, I’ve never thought for a second that the U.S. military was even down, let alone in a position of possibly losing in Iraq.  Now, you may think I’m an idiot for consistently holding this position where we couldn’t lose in Iraq, but that’s probably because you consume all your thoughts through the filter of the media and then recite, no, regurgitate them as your own, instead of creating thoughts through research, logic, and reason.  In sports colloquialism, you’re quite simply a worthless bandwagon fan.

In the current situation, the only possible chance the ”away team” could have lost in Iraq was during the 2004 and 2006 midterm elections.  The only way to lose then was through a precipitous pullout before the people of Iraq even had a chance to get their ducks in a row, leaving the country to the whims of criminals, and eventually another dictator.  Equating what the people of Iraq have to do to get their country in order as “getting their ducks in a row” is quite possibly the biggest understatement since… well, I’ve got nothing, it’s probably the biggest understatement ever.  If you need a nice reference point as to what the Iraqi’s are up against politically, do a little research on how hard it was for the city of Boston to dig a big tunnel under their city; and no one was shooting at the workers or trying to blow up the tunnel during that project either.   

Can anyone give me an example of an existing government being completely dismantled and another being formed in the span of five years without massive military involvement and civil unrest?  You hear from some pundits on the left about how it took less time to get Germany and Japan in order after World War II.  The parallels aren’t even close to similar, not to mention we’re still “occupying” those countries today.  To this day, we provide Japan with most of their national defense, while Germany needed our military presence for fifty years after World War II to keep the Russians at bay to the west. 

Japan and Germany’s perceived lack of an insurgency following the war—even though most aren’t aware that there was one in both countries (see: German Werewolf Insurgency)—may have had something to do with the level of destruction to those countries, with the enemy and all infrastructure being completely and utterly destroyed.  The enemy was not just disbanded and sent home in Germany, it was killed in the millions.  After the war, some European countries were without a significant young male population all together.  Japan had not one, but two atomic bombs dropped on two separate major industrial cities.  The hearts and minds of the enemy didn’t have to be won, because they were destroyed.  Bother countries geographical location, with one being an island and the other being surrounded by allied friendly countries, may have also contributed to such a small post war insurgency. 

Can you name the places the United States liberated and are still “occupying” that isn’t a free and prosperous nation today?  Germany, Japan, South Korea, France, Poland?  Better or worse?  Would the people of Kuwait be better or worse off right now?  What if Kennedy decided to hold his end of the bargain and help the people of Cuba during the Bay of Pigs, or better yet, not involve us in Vietnam without a plan for winning the peace?  Two million Cambodians would love to know, but unfortunately, they’re dead.  Millions of North Koreans, living in the stone age, would love to have the misfortune of being “invaded” like Iraq.  It’s like winning the lottery for most countries, but only when the military is allowed to do their good works and finish the damn job.  

Flash forward to Iraq, 2003.  In this current iteration of war we have seen the unprecedented execution of a plan designed to minimize civilian as well as even military casualty.  This has more to do with explaining the power of the insurgency as anything else.  Yes, destroying the infrastructure would have meant more rebuilding, but by leaving in place the vast number of enemy soldiers and commanders that were intentional embedded into the general population, the stage was set for a first in military history.  Not only was the military leadership scattered amongst the general population, along with vast amounts of cash to finance operations, but the infrastructure necessary to wage an insurgency was also left at their disposal.  The alternative was to bomb and kill millions of innocent civilians indiscriminately to ensure a weak insurgency power structure that was hidden within.  With unfriendly 24-hour news networks and embedded reporters at every turn, this was not a viable option as it was in previous wars.  Couple this with foreign interference after the fact, which included money, equipment, and even fighters; it’s actually quite amazing how well coalition troops have done.

Lucky for us all (and by all I mean the entire world), the 2004 election brought us leadership that understood the need, and most of all, the benefit of finishing what we started.  With the insurgency growing and supposed bad news mounting, the fickle 1/3 of the population (the ones between the other 2/3 standing to their left and their right) jumped ship.  Fortunately for us all, the weak minded did not prevail.  The 1/3 that held steadfast in their position through thick and thin has not only fought off the 1/3 on the left, but also the 1/3 in the middle who couldn’t hold true to a position if you nail gunned their asses to it.  A victory in Iraq will be remembered for two reasons, and two reasons only — The United States Armed Forces, and President George Walker Bush. 

Whether you’re a liberal and you dislike him because he’s too conservative, or you’re a conservative and you dislike him because he’s too liberal, one thing can be said for certain — The man led this country during war with conviction and honor, and I personally thank him.  History will vindicate him, just as it has President Ronald Wilson Reagan, God rest his soul.  Most in President Bush’s position would have buckled to the will of the democrat lead congress, or the polls that include those bandwagon 1/3 in the middle who couldn’t decide how they wanted their eggs cooked without being brought to tears.  If you need help, it’s quite easy to identify the fickle 1/3 in the middle — they’re wearing a brand new New York Giants hat, or a crisp shiny new Boston Red Sox jacket.  They should really just focus on what really matters in their lives… American Idol.

So, back to the task at hand — how do we quantify a victory?  How do we determine if we’re at least moving in the right direction?  Well, if you’re against the war you’ll probably point to the fact that civilians are dying and immediately come to the conclusion that we should get out.  This of course is disingenuous since even they know the bloodshed in Iraq would increase 100 fold without the brave men and women of the U.S. military protecting the innocent.  The “intellectuals” on the left in Hollywood preach to us all the time about the ills of America and how it’s killing the innocent in Iraq.  Sharon Stone was recently quoted as saying the military liberation of Iraq was somehow responsible for the deaths of 600,000 innocent civilian Iraqis and that the lives of Iraqis are ignored while the lives of the (only?) 4,000 brave men and women who died trying to protect these civilians are somehow too heralded and celebrated for their sacrifice.  Here’s her quote.

“I feel at great pain when the spotlight is on the death of 4,000 American soldiers, while 600,000 Iraqi deaths are ignored,”

Hey Sharon, I’ll make a deal with you.  I promise to leave the “showing off the beaver on the silver screen” to those who have a beaver, if you promise to leave the thinking to those of us who have a brain.  NEWS FLASH: We spotlight the lives of those 4,000 soldiers because they’re over there dying trying to protect the innocent who are being killed by terrorists.  They’re the ones trying to stop children from being slaughtered at the hands of radical Islam.  They’re also Americans, and you should fall to your knees with pain in your heart knowing another American is suffering in anyway, even for such a noble cause as this.

Not withstanding this bimbo’s credentials, let’s just pretend to believe her outrageous number of 600,000 Iraqi civilians killed.  Let’s just pretend that 120,000 civilians a year have been murdered in Iraq since its liberation in 2003.  Let’s imagine that 10,000 a month have died every month since then.  That 2,500 men, women, and children, are dying each week.  A total of 322 humans a day, 13 every hour, 1 every 4.6 minutes of every day for five years straight.  600,000 souls!  From sun up to sundown and throughout the night as people slept; 13 lives every hour have supposedly been ended, for almost five years straight.

Now that we’re done with the sicko math, I ask her, even if the number is plausible (which it’s not), how many of these people died at the hands of U.S. servicemen?  Even if you believe this outrageously exaggerated and politically expedient number of 600,000, do you believe the U.S. soldier did most of them?  Even half of them?  Maybe 95% of them she would tell you?  Actually, I’m sure that almost none were intentional killed by soldiers, especially when you factor out the “civilians” killed that are not at all civilians, but rather terrorists and insurgents, classified by these “peace” organizations as the innocent. 

I’ll take your sicko math another step further.  How many innocent lives in Iraq are saved each day by the brave men and women of the armed forces?  How many were murdered each year at the hands of a dictatorial regime before the military showed up five years ago?  The same human rights organizations that calculate 600,000 dead today, estimated that over one million died the previous 20 years under Saddam Hussein.  Was that number going to get better or worse under a Saddam dictatorial regime?    Do you think it’s a net gain or net loss of life today?  Is it a net gain or loss when compared to what would happen without our help today?  People have got to stop consuming the news as if it were the gospel according to Katie Couric.  Think just for a moment about what could have happened had certain events not occurred.  Don’t be just one dimensionally about what is happening, but rather, also what could have happened.  Historical perspective.  Cause and effect.  Logical fallacies. 

Enough about the bimbo life-wing mathematician.  We’re still left with the unsavory task of deciding how to quantify whether or not we are indeed winning in Iraq.  We know that the loss of life has dropped markedly over the past year, for the soldier as well as the civilian.  This should be welcome and joyous news for all on the right as well as the left of the political spectrum.  All Americans and all humans should be rejoicing, right?  But alas, this is not the case.  Some hope for a continued body count to ensure their sick political ambitions.  It’s beyond the pale and treasonous at best.  Politicizing an issue as serious as this is the second oldest profession known to man, and the whores know who they are. 

Quantifying the win is something I may have finally figured out how to calculate; and without using the liberal “too many lives lost,” or ”too much of my money spent” benchmarks for withdrawal.  Our goal in Iraq, when we leave (for the most part), is to ensure the people of that country have a chance at life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  That’s it.  A chance at success.  The distinct possibility that once left to their own devices they can continue to make life better for all their citizens as well as neighbors.  Like kicking your kid out of the house at the age of 18, not the age of 5, the chances of success increases with time.  Can they screw it up still?  Of course they can.  Look at how we’re trying to screw up our republic over 200 years after its creation.  Yes, leaving Iraq right now and just hoping the power of music creates peace is noble and even has a very slim chance of success (and by slim, I mean .00000000003), but without at least a certain guarantee, I’m sticking with what we’ve invested in and what has worked in the past — the U.S. military. 

Okay, so again, how do we know when we’re winning in Iraq?  Should we stay for the entire event, or try and beat the traffic home?  Read this article and form you own conclusion.  No, don’t get someone’s opinion about the article; read it and decide for yourself.  Are we winning?  And no, this is not an article from The Weekly Standard, it’s from the New York Freaking Times.  Now, if the New York Times can publish something like this, I would have to say so.  But don’t take my word for it, let’s ask an Iraqi…  

“I used to love Osama bin Laden,” proclaimed a 24-year-old Iraqi college student. She was referring to how she felt before the war took hold in her native Baghdad. The Sept. 11, 2001, strike at American supremacy was satisfying, and the deaths abstract.

Now, the student recites the familiar complaints: Her college has segregated the security checks; guards told her to stop wearing a revealing skirt; she covers her head for safety.

“Now I hate Islam,” she said, sitting in her family’s unadorned living room in central Baghdad. “ Al Qaeda and the Mahdi Army are spreading hatred. People are being killed for nothing.”

She hates Islam, or at least its teachings of hate?  One persons quote is all the quantifying I need.  She hates Islam, folks.  Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!!!!!

Her other sins against Allah?  She was dressed rather provocatively.  Translation: Showing too much neck and face, making otherwise peaceful and law abiding Saudi men want to rape her.  And what prattle do you think the religious po po do when they arrest a woman for such heinous acts as dressing “slutty” at a coffee shop?  Why, they strip-search her of course.

The men were from Saudi Arabia’s Commission for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, a police force of several thousand men charged with enforcing dress codes, sex segregation and the observance of prayers.

Yara says she was interrogated, strip-searched and forced to sign and fingerprint a series of confessions pleading guilty to her “crime,” the Times reported.

I know what you’re wondering, if she’s charged with the crime of fraternizing with a male companion that’s not a relative and also for looking too hot, then where the hell did the “re po po” find a family member of hers on such short notice to strip-search her?  She better just thank God Allah she didn’t fail to give a man an erection, or she’d be put to death.  You stay classy Saudi Arabia… you stay classy.

If that evil employer of yours also blocks YouTube videos I’ll quickly give you the nut of the story.  It’s another one of those old school training videos for yet another hatch.  During this video, a rabbit is duplicated, or sent through space/time, and the scientist—who is actually outed in this video as an actor—tries to hide the two rabbits from each other, alla Back to the Future.  This—like every week this season—furthers the time travelling theory even more (Last week it was the rocket launch and its 30 minute delay). 

The really interesting part of the video is caught in the subliminal flashes [again, Hat Tip: J-Clizz].  There’s a quick flash on the screen that reads — “God loved you as Jacob.”  That’s when the epiphany, no, when the vision came to me.  It was like I was sitting in Sunday School all over again.  Abraham begot Isaac, and Isaac begot Jacob.  Remember that song gang?  Father Abraham had many sons?  I didn’t think so, you heathens. 

If you were wondering whether or not J.J. Abrams has a God complex, well wonder no more.  Guess what Father Abraham’s original name was before the interpretation from Hebrew?  That’s right Lost fans followers — Abrams.  Damn you to hell for blasphemy J.J. Abrams. 

At any rate, it gets even more interesting (or creepy, depending on your personal theology) when you do a little research on Jacob.  You see, Jacob was not only Father Abraham’s grandson.  He was not only the man that begot the 12 tribes of Israel, those who formed the bedrock of Judaism.  He was also the guy who married a couple sisters by the name of Leah and Rachel.   

Stay with me folks!  Should I sing some hymns between the sermon?  So, Leah, the woman Jacob didn’t really love all that much, was more of a consolation prize given to him after he tried to win the heart of Rachel by working for their father for the better part of a decade.  He eventually married Rachel as well, but something went terribly awry.  You see, Rachel was what you would call barren.  For those of you living in Yulee, that means she couldn’t get pregnant or give birth.

All Lost fans know that there have been two major underlying themes throughout the Lost mythology.  One being the pregnancy issues, the other being the daddy issues.  Jacob and pregnancy issues — CHECK!  Everyone on the island has either killed their dad, wants to, or wanted to.  Low and behold, Jacob also had daddy issues.  As the story goes, he wanted to get his father Isaac’s blessing, but that was reserved for Jacobs twin brother Esau, who was born seconds before his twin brother.  By the way, blessing involved who got the family money. 

So, Jacob deceived his father into thinking he was Esau, and received the blessing necessary to become a great and wealthy man.  The name Jacob came to mean to deceive after these events transpired in the bible.  Speaking of daddy issues, Jacob’s father Isaac was the child of Abraham, the same Abraham that God (his father!) instructed to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  Jacob and daddy issues — DOUBLE CHECK!

So, now that we know who Jacob is, let’s figure out how he’s involved in this whole affair on the island.  This is where it gets a little weird, so bare with me.  Jacob, a very powerful and rich man during his time on Earth, so loved his wife Rachel, that he did something drastic.  He created a secret organization (such as the Knight’s Templar) with one sole purpose – to pass down detailed instructions to each subsequent generation and aggressively work towards a solution to his “love” problem. 

He assumed that one day mankind would devise a way to travel back in time.  He also knew that Rachel’s barren womb could one day be cured as well.  Once the obstacle of traversing time and infertility were overcome, they could come back and correct what God had failed to do.  The organization has the time machine figured out, but I’m guessing are still having issues with the infertility.

I’m thinking that maybe the organization has been hijacked or infiltrated by nefarious people, intent on stopping Jacob’s one true believer, Ben, from carrying out Jacob’s task.  Either that, or Ben’s dad was part of the plan and Ben’s mom was a guinea pig and now he’s attempting to stop the organization.  Not sure which way is which.  Regardless, no more need to watch Lost since I’ve figured it all out.  Thank God that’s over.  And by God, I mean J.J. Abrams. 

*****

[Editor's Update: Homer Nods!  Rachel eventually did have children after being barren almost her entire life.  She gave birth to two boys in her old age after Jacob cursed God for not giving him children with her (I guess it's finally been proven that the Internet can be wrong, crazy I know).  Someone told me that Jacob fell mute for cursing God before having children.  Anyone know anything about that?   

So, thanks TWOTP for pointing that out, and the chapter in Genesis that it is found.  So, let's look at Genesis 35:18 she's referring to.

And when her soul was departing for pain, and death was now at hand, she called the name of her son Benoni, that is, The son of my pain: but his father called him Benjamin, that is, The son of the right hand.

So, Rachel finally gave birth to a son and then soon after gave birth to a final son, which she died giving birth to.  The name of this son?  Ben!!!!  Remember Ben's mother?  You know, the one that died during childbirth. 

The plot thickens.]

 Obama continues to pound Hillary Clinton into the ground during the primaries, which of course puts a gigantic smile on my face.  I’m not quite sure who I think would be the weaker candidate in the general election, and I keep going back and forth on this, but while I’m waiting it’s nice watching that worthless evil woman go down in flames.  I was reading some election results for their race in Wisconsin and I came across this article and this excerpt in particular.

In the poll, Obama led Clinton among Democrats and independents, in all age groups except seniors and in all income groups except those making under $25,000 a year. He led narrowly among whites and more widely among men. He was tied among women with Clinton, who would be the first woman U.S. president.

So, Hillary has the support of old white people who used to own slaves and poor white redneck people who wish they still could.  Not surprising, considering her white trash husband only won the White House with a plurality of the vote at around 43%.  Thanks Ross Perot, you nut job idiot. 

So, now the Republicans in Texas get to decide who they want to win between Obama and Clinton and ultimately who McCain will run against in the general election.  You see, Independents and Republicans can vote for either the democrat candidate or their own.  Since McCain is a sure thing now, Republicans can decide who they want to win in Texas on March 4, by voting for Hillary or Obama.  We have two weeks to decide.  I’ll be crunching some numbers and posting them here over those two weeks.  Please comment here and give me your opinion on who you think is the weaker candidate and more easily beatable in November. 

Oh, and one last thing… God I hope we get to see Hillary cry again.  She’s setting the woman’s movement back 50 years.  Got to love her, huh ladies?