UPDATE: Your Boss is a Knut
It’s been brought to my attention by the HDW user The Wearer Of The Pants that the cute and loving Knut, the German polar bear pup, has been implicated in the murder of a panda. What a shocker; a white German killing a very ethnic multi-colored German. Even less shocking, the panda was an immigrant.
It just goes to show you, a tiger can never change it’s stripes. Or in this case, a Nazi polar bear can never change it’s need to cleanse the zoo of “impure” species. Someone needs to find out this poor dead panda’s religion. We owe it to the rest of the zoo. If left unchecked, this Knut will be loading other animals on the train surrounding the zoo before you know it. Hell, he’s already taken over the “poland” bear (I know, that was weak) section of the zoo; next stop, the French hens? Where’s the English bulldog and American eagle when you need them?
In other animal porn news, this guy can finally be put on trial for crimes against humanity. Well actually, I guess technically it was crimes against deer-manity, and maybe his wife???? This guy saw a dead deer carcass on the side of the road and decided it was time to get busy. I mean, who hasn’t had those urges, right? Well, his lawyer was quick to point out that it’s only against the law to have sexual intercourse with living animals, so since this deer was dead and rotting on the side of the road, no crime was committed. Which begs the question – does this apply to dead hookers too?