It’s Wabbit Season! No… It’s Duck Penises!

Elmer Fudd, Help!!!!

Well, well, well, it appears ducks enjoy partaking in an occasional rape every now and again.  But don’t worry, only 40% of the time they have sex is it forced onto the female duck.  Where’s a pinball machine and Jodie Foster when you need it, right Daffy?  Furthermore, according to the article it also appears that ducks have corkscrew shaped penises.  Cinemax, meet Animal Planet.  You know, until I just typed the word penis, I never noticed how horrible it sounds when plural.  Indeed, this must be the one word in the English language that there should never be more than one of in a given sentence and/or room.

You Can Call Me Corky

Anyway, as you read along the article gets quite disturbing, or hot, depending on your proclivity to bestiality.  One sentence really got me thinking, and not just about how I will never order duck in a restaurant again. 

“Interestingly, the male phallus is also a spiral, but it twists in the opposite, counterclockwise, direction,” said Yale ornithologist Richard Prum in a statement.


And it may mean something for people. “We can expect that these types of antagonistic traits are probably widespread and are likely part of the reproductive interactions of all sorts of animals, including humans,” Brennan said.       

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth Brennan?  Brennan is a scientist I think.  I can see his 25-year high school reunion now… “Bob, you crazy old sumbitch, how’s it hangin’?  Damn, you got fat!  What do you do for a living now?”  “Oh, I’m a truck driver… how ’bout you Brennan?”  “Oh, I study fowl rape, and by fowl I mean fowl, not foul.  I have also discovered that the larger a duck’s penis gets, the more it twists like a corkscrew.”  At this point Bob has either accidentally sucked an olive down his wind pipe or is extremely turned on.  Maybe even a little of both.

The only important lesson or insight to take away from this article is the fact that the “scientists” think that humans will slowly evolve into having some of these same traits.  Meaning that as men force themselves on (“rape”) women more, the woman’s reproductive system (as a defense mechanism) will create road blocks such as, and I quote, “corkscrew-shaped oviducts”, whatever the hell that is.  As the world famous scientist Dr. Ian Malcolm once said, “life finds a way”, and so man will in turn start evolving into having a corkscrew-shaped dong to counter the woman’s mangled who-who-dilly.  Finally, our dongs will have a real functional use for the ladies in our lives that they’ll love… it’ll be able to open a wine bottle.  Or in my case a large keg.  

Hi, my names Scott, but the ladies call me Corky, can I buy you a bottle of wine?         


Posted on May 2, 2007, in Humor, Stupidipity. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. The 3rd Wheel...on a Tricycle

    Will definitely make mine and Mindy’s weekly wine (& whine) night allot more interesting!!!

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