Borderline Nut Case?

Ladies and Gents, I have officially found the strangest news story of the year, if not decade.  Let me start with the LEAST crazy part of this story.

Despres’ first-degree murder trial was stopped on Feb. 1 after he delivered a 10-minute courtroom rant about al-Qaida, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein and something he called the “Super Space Patrol.”

This guy Despres is currently on trial for murder and decided to show up to court–fronting a new hairdo–and began the above rant where he explained he was actually a pilot for the Super Space Patrol.

In another outburst on the day the trial was stopped, Despres objected to the length of the assessment, saying any evaluation that took longer than five days would be an attempt to gather espionage, and that he could be forced to testify under the rules of the “Super Space Patrol.”

“I’m not a spy, I’m a pilot,” Despres blurted in the packed courtroom. 

What did he do wrong?  Well, he killed his neighbors with either an ax, sword, or chainsaw (continue reading to understand why I’m not sure).  Parts of said neighbor where found in a pillow case under the dining room table.  Still, this is not the strangest part of the story.  My friends, the strangest part of this story has nothing to do with this total nut job.  It’s what the border patrol did…

Despres, who has dual Canadian and U.S. citizenship, was allowed to enter the United States on April 25, 2005, despite bizarre behaviour at the border crossing in Calais, Maine.

He described himself as a marine sniper and an assassin with 700 kills to his credit, and was carrying a homemade sword, a knife, a chainsaw, pepper spray, a hatchet and brass knuckles, all of which were confiscated by U.S. border guards.

Several guards testified that they could not detain Despres because he had a valid U.S. passport.

No, that is not something funny I just made up to get a cheap laugh.  The Canadian US border actually stopped this guy as he attempted to cross into the US the day after he killed his neighbor.  Did I read that right?  He was carrying a homemade sword, a knife, pepper spray, a hatchet, brass knuckles and a CHAINSAW???  By the way, there was also lots of blood on these “toys” he was carrying too.  I guess they saw that he had a trade when they noticed a “homemade” sword.  You’re a blacksmith, eh?  Oh, come on in, eh! 

But don’t worry, he must be safe because he told the border patrol he was a marine sniper and assassin with 700 kills.  Not sure if he mentioned that his military branch of service was the Super Space Patrol.  If any of you are concerned about why these guys would let this guy into the country, it’s probably because he looked normal and nothing like a killer.

Yep, nothing to see here.

Crazy Like a Fox Tail?

    

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Posted on June 4, 2007, in Punditry, Stupidipity. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. @ Wearer: Nice call on the Henry Rollins reference. Even older he still looks like him but during his early/Black Flag days the physical/MENTAL resemblance is just too eerie…

  2. wtf that picture is so fake

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