Movie Review: Spider-Man 3
I just read that a bunch of Spider-Man fans were upset that the “super power” of web spinning in the movies was going to be a biological function instead of a device he fashioned in his Aunt’s basement. Speaking of biological functions, Spider-Man 3 is a steaming pile of Spidey Shit!
No really, it is one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time that didn’t star Toby McGuire. What? That wasn’t Tom Cruise? Oh, well then I guess this movie was worse than originally thought.
I also found out that the Spider-Man 3 movie cost almost 200 million dollars to make. Begging the question… who in the hell at Sony embezzled 175 million dollars? Really!
This movie was so bad… [5 seconds of silence pass]. THIS MOVIE WAS SO BAD! “How bad was it?!?!?!” It was so bad, even the white people in the audience were on their cell phones. I kid, I kid.
So, if you’re really bored this weekend be sure to go to the movies and see Spider-Man 3, but only in the event Bin Laden has your family in the truck of his Lincoln Town Car and demands it. If you have something better to do, like an amateur colonoscopy, then do that instead. No really, you’ll feel less like you were raped three times and your HMO should cover it, which is more than I can say for this movie.
HDW Rating: 4 Out of 5 Steaming Holy Dog Piles.