You All Knew It Was Coming!
Every single one of y’all out there that know me well, knew this was coming. As soon as I heard this on the radio on my way into work I just couldn’t wait to post it.
I’m sure by now that you have all heard about the guy in the wheel chair that got stuck to the grill of the semi and ended up going about four miles on the highway at speeds of up to 50MPH.
I just can’t stop laughing. I would have paid $10,000 to actually have been driving down the highway and seen this live. Of course I would have driven off the road from laughing while similtanously pissing my pants. Sometimes, if you’re good, Jesus will reward you with little nuggets of pure unadulterated humor like this. Something so pure, that only the purest of hearts get to see. Of course, my evil ass will never be that person. Well, without further ado, I bring you episode one of…
BJ: [truck driver heading down the highway on his CB radio] Breaker breaker one nine, this is BJ, you got your ears on channel 49? Over.
Dispatcher: 10-4, this is Deer Hunter, what’s your 20? Over.
BJ: I’m heading east down highway 269 about 12 hours away from you. I’ve got a load of chicken and they’re clucking to get delivered. Over.
Dispatcher: Roger that BJ. You still doing okay after losing that monkey of yours in that freak accident where you let him ride on the hood of your rig while driving down the Interstate? Over.
BJ: It’s been tough. Over.
Distacher: Come back. Over.
BJ: It’s been tough! Over.
Dispatcher: Roger that. Over.
BJ: Hey, I’ve been hearing some strange rattling and smoke coming from the front of my rig for about four hours now. Should I pull over at the next truck stop and have it looked at? Over.
Dispatcher: Negative. Hammer down on that load. There’s an extra bonus if you deliver before 7AM tomorrow. Over.
BJ: 10-4 on that one. Hey, I just had another car pull up beside me and give me the old hand motion that they wanted me to pullover… maybe for a quickie I think. It’s like the tenth one today. California has some nut balls. It takes all kinds I guess. Over.
Dispatcher: That’s a big ten dash four good buddy. Over.
BJ: Dude, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone. Sometimes, when I’m all alone in this rig, driving down the lonely highway, I think I can still hear The Bear, that crazy monkey, yelling at me from the front of this rig. It haunts me, more so today than ever before. Hell, I even thought I heard him screaming just a while ago.
The Chair: [faint mummble from the grill of the rig over the roar of the cummings diesel engine] help. help. please pullover. i’m up hear in a wheelchair stuck to the grill. the love bugs are unbearable. it hurts so bad. i’m scared. heeelppp.
BJ: There it went again. I’m going to have to go Deer Hunter. It looks like some bad rain is a comin’ and I need to maybe turn up my radio really loud for the rest of this trip to drowned out the pain. Maybe some Merl Haggard will do the trick. Over.
Dispatcher: Roger that my good friend. Roger that. See you in 12 hours. Over and out.
BJ: Over and out. [turns up the radio as loud as it can go and begins to cry] Damn you Bear. Damn you!
The Chair: heeeellllpppppp!!!!!!