You All Knew It Was Coming!

Go Faster, Go Faster!!!!

Every single one of y’all out there that know me well, knew this was coming.  As soon as I heard this on the radio on my way into work I just couldn’t wait to post it. 

I’m sure by now that you have all heard about the guy in the wheel chair that got stuck to the grill of the semi and ended up going about four miles on the highway at speeds of up to 50MPH.

I just can’t stop laughing.  I would have paid $10,000 to actually have been driving down the highway and seen this live.  Of course I would have driven off the road from laughing while similtanously pissing my pants.  Sometimes, if you’re good, Jesus will reward you with little nuggets of pure unadulterated humor like this.  Something so pure, that only the purest of hearts get to see.  Of course, my evil ass will never be that person.  Well, without further ado, I bring you episode one of…

BJ and the Chair 

BJ: [truck driver heading down the highway on his CB radio] Breaker breaker one nine, this is BJ, you got your ears on channel 49?  Over.

Dispatcher: 10-4, this is Deer Hunter, what’s your 20? Over.

BJ: I’m heading east down highway 269 about 12 hours away from you.  I’ve got a load of chicken and they’re clucking to get delivered.  Over.

Dispatcher: Roger that BJ.  You still doing okay after losing that monkey of yours in that freak accident where you let him ride on the hood of your rig while driving down the Interstate?  Over.

BJ: It’s been tough.  Over.

Distacher: Come back.  Over.

BJ: It’s been tough!  Over.

Dispatcher: Roger that.  Over.

BJ: Hey, I’ve been hearing some strange rattling and smoke coming from the front of my rig for about four hours now.  Should I pull over at the next truck stop and have it looked at?  Over.

Dispatcher: Negative.  Hammer down on that load.  There’s an extra bonus if you deliver before 7AM tomorrow.  Over.

BJ: 10-4 on that one.  Hey, I just had another car pull up beside me and give me the old hand motion that they wanted me to pullover… maybe for a quickie I think.  It’s like the tenth one today.  California has some nut balls.  It takes all kinds I guess.  Over.

Dispatcher: That’s a big ten dash four good buddy.  Over.

BJ: Dude, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone.  Sometimes, when I’m all alone in this rig, driving down the lonely highway, I think I can still hear The Bear, that crazy monkey, yelling at me from the front of this rig.  It haunts me, more so today than ever before.  Hell, I even thought I heard him screaming just a while ago.

The Chair: [faint mummble from the grill of the rig over the roar of the cummings diesel engine] help.  help.  please pullover.  i’m up hear in a wheelchair stuck to the grill.  the love bugs are unbearable.  it hurts so bad.  i’m scared.  heeelppp.

BJ: There it went again.  I’m going to have to go Deer Hunter.  It looks like some bad rain is a comin’ and I need to maybe turn up my radio really loud for the rest of this trip to drowned out the pain.  Maybe some Merl Haggard will do the trick.  Over.

Dispatcher: Roger that my good friend.  Roger that.  See you in 12 hours.  Over and out.

BJ: Over and out. [turns up the radio as loud as it can go and begins to cry]  Damn you Bear.  Damn you!

The Chair: heeeellllpppppp!!!!!!      

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Posted on June 7, 2007, in Humor. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I’d ask “what the hell is wrong with you?” but I really really don’t want to know the answer.

  2. I just got word from NBC. They’re going to cancel ER and run my new show instead. BJ and the Chair will be on Thursdays at 10 this fall. Must See TV is back!!!

  3. I’m thinking of actually moving this TV series in more of a Lost direction. You’ll be wondering from week to week if “The Chair” will ever get off that damn grill. You’ll be saying, “And what’s with the polar bear?” Oh no, that’s just The Chair. He caught one of those Slushees that someone threw out the window in front of the rig and BJ is driving through the mountains and a small snow bank is building in The Chairs lap.

  4. People dont say “over” any more.

  5. They may not say “over” like they used to, but the point was that BJ–from BJ and the Bear–did say it on the show. It’s supposed to be funny. 10-4?

    Over and Out!

  6. Dave-FF Guru

    People don’t say ‘Over and Out’ either.

    Why does shit like this have to happen in Michigan anyway? Oh well, time to check out Hostel 2 where I pretend it’s HDW getting drilled in the eye and not some dirty American whore…

  7. Stuff like this happens in Michigan because it’s the redneck capital of the midwest.

    Speaking of the Sopranos… Prepare for an atomic bomb to go off in New Jersey and for Tony to die as well. It shall be. RIP Tony.

  8. Is this show going to air right before “The Walker and the Texas Ranger” ??? Let me know if you want to hear some other ideas I have for similar shows for the disabled. Things like “Hear Factor” for the deaf community. Or a game show called “Wheels of Fortune”, for the wheelchair folks, of course. With all the handicapped people out there, the ideas are unlimited.

  9. It’s handicapable people you insensitive prick!

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