If I had a dollar for every time I had experienced sexual harassment at the office I’d be rich (and not just because of all the lawsuits). Damn you Barry, I’ve been scarred for life and still waiting on that raise and office with a view you promised me! Oh, and if you pronounce the word harassment with the specific intent of not putting the inflection on the syllables “her”, “ass”, and “mint”, then you have no business reading HDW. Sexual Harris Mint is something Sir Richard Harris popped in his mouth just after downing a 5th of Glenlivet Scotch and banging his leading lady and just before walking on stage. So, off with you!
Well, not that the below news event is just like the time Eric got caught photocopying his testicles, then blowing up and doubling the image into a rorschach inkblot type test, and finally leaving them on random desks of unsuspecting female employees… but it’s close. According to the article, this male horse decided to make the mistake of making sexual advances at another horse in the same stable. How did the male horse supposedly make an unwanted sexual advance? Let’s find out.
Ruth Kay, of Bartlett, Ill., said in court papers that a stallion named Vinny violated her mare’s “personal and private space” by resting his head on the mare’s rear end, a common romantic come-on among horses.
Well, the first thing that jumps out at me is the fact that apparently the male horse—Vinny—is Italian. That explains the unwanted sexual advances [insert italian stallion jokes here]. The part I haven’t told you about is what this evil bitch of a horse did when Vinny innocently laid his head upon her supple ass. She kicked Poor Vinny in the head, then once on the ground she kicked him again until he was dead. BITCH!
The owner of the male horse is sueing the owner of the female. The owner of the female horse is claiming that she’s not paying because Vinny made unwanted sexual advances at her horse (aka, sexual her-ass-mint), and that she was only trying to defend herself. BITCH!
Really ladies? Really? We can’t even rest our heads on your asses anymore without our possible deaths ensuing? Remember the good ole days guys, back when your secretary could dictate notes from the comfort of your own lap? You could create an offical dress code requiring all women to wear skirts? And the Christmas party consisted of the one at the office (the good one) and then one where the secretarie’s husband and your wife could come (the boring one).
Well guys, I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted, because that ship has sailed. The only sexual harassment you have to look forward to now is when the company decides to hire that dude from San Francisco to be your new boss. You know, the one with the two-seater convertible; and trust me, he’ll want more than your head resting on his ass. Giddy up!
Past: +5, Future: -8