Chew On This

Finally, A Reason To Post This Photo!

And in intergalactic news, it appears someone needs to contact Han and let him know his Wookie is getting a little out of control.  Why does fame always seem to go to these famous people’s (and wookies) heads?  I blame the Endor weed.  That drug is highly addictive and will make you do crazy things.  Oh, and you can’t feel your teeth.  Chewbacca’s publicist was quoted as saying that his client will enter rehab later this week. 

Okay, ENOUGH!  Here’s the crux of the story. 

A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe look-alike in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood Sunday and then evaded arrest, police said.

He evaded arrest?  Of course he did assholes, he drives the Millennium f**king Falcon, the fastest ship in the… STOP!  WAIT!  Damn it, I can’t do this.  I would normally just go with this Star Wars theme for the rest of the post and make geeky references such as, “The only proof left at the scene of the crime was 47 pounds of brownish/red hair”, or maybe a “Witnesses at the scene said they heard Chewbacca yell out ‘Hey Monroe, wookie here and chewie on dez nuts!'”  This of course, would be too easy, and beneath the highbrow humor that you’ve grown to love and expect as a HDW reader. 

I do want to know why the dude posing as Chewbacca is referred to as an “impersonator” and the chick posing as Marilyn is a “look-alike.”  I thought they already had a specific word for people dressed up as Star Wars characters… f**king losers!  Actually, wasn’t the original Chewie technically just a dude doing an impression as well?  I’m just saying. 

On a side note, after searching youtube for a good Chewie impression, I’ve come to the conclusion that people really suck at Chewie impressions.  Especially the British.

First off, it’s pronounced ChewBOCCA, not ChewBACKA.  Don’t make us come over there and give y’all back to the Germans, damn it!  Secondly, was that an impression of Chewie beating off?   

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Posted on July 9, 2007, in Entertainment, Humor, Movies. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. The Wearer of the Pants

    Yes… highbrow….

  2. Q-the-impaler

    His face looks like he is lamenting the death of his pet Ewok, Wicket.

  3. Oh, how I can always count on the power of the HDW Geeks. Speaking of the power of the geeks; the wearer of the pants has been put on a two week geek probation for not getting this joke…

    In even more sad news… resistance is futile! Federer will be missed.

    Very disheartening. She will be forced to watch all the Star Trek movies this weekend. Resistance truly is futile.

  4. …has everyone just breezed over the fact that Chewy is throwing out the first pitch at Fenway?? Was the Robot from Lost in Space busy that night? Danger, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Danger!

  5. Dude, that’s not Chewie, that’s just Manny being Manny. That’s what he looks like before Curt dreads up his hair. You better just thank God he’s wearing a jock strap.

  6. Oh, and could they have found an uglier person to “impersonate” the princess? What, Rosie O’Donald wasn’t available????

  7. The Wearer of the Pants

    ChewBACKA [choo-bak-uh]
    (verb)
    1. Revengeful biting on a playground
    (noun)
    1. Smokeless tobacco used by yer pappi
    2. Your chinese friend in reverse
    3. Limey impersonation of the famed Star Wars character Chewbacca

  8. You know, I was really shocked and disappointed that you didn’t point out how bad Princess Leia is looking these days. That truly is the most dreadful “look-alike” EVAR. I’m pretty sure she’s either Russian or a man.

  9. You must have not read the comments, because I surely did notice she was nearly beaten to death with the ugly tree. One other reason she’s so ugly is because I think maybe they got confused and she was supposed to be in the Chewie suit.

  10. Yeah, I saw it in the comments but was disappointed it wasn’t the main reason for that post (as I noticed the picture before I read the post). 🙂

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