Chew On This
And in intergalactic news, it appears someone needs to contact Han and let him know his Wookie is getting a little out of control. Why does fame always seem to go to these famous people’s (and wookies) heads? I blame the Endor weed. That drug is highly addictive and will make you do crazy things. Oh, and you can’t feel your teeth. Chewbacca’s publicist was quoted as saying that his client will enter rehab later this week.
Okay, ENOUGH! Here’s the crux of the story.
A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe look-alike in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood Sunday and then evaded arrest, police said.
He evaded arrest? Of course he did assholes, he drives the Millennium f**king Falcon, the fastest ship in the… STOP! WAIT! Damn it, I can’t do this. I would normally just go with this Star Wars theme for the rest of the post and make geeky references such as, “The only proof left at the scene of the crime was 47 pounds of brownish/red hair”, or maybe a “Witnesses at the scene said they heard Chewbacca yell out ‘Hey Monroe, wookie here and chewie on dez nuts!'” This of course, would be too easy, and beneath the highbrow humor that you’ve grown to love and expect as a HDW reader.
I do want to know why the dude posing as Chewbacca is referred to as an “impersonator” and the chick posing as Marilyn is a “look-alike.” I thought they already had a specific word for people dressed up as Star Wars characters… f**king losers! Actually, wasn’t the original Chewie technically just a dude doing an impression as well? I’m just saying.
On a side note, after searching youtube for a good Chewie impression, I’ve come to the conclusion that people really suck at Chewie impressions. Especially the British.
First off, it’s pronounced ChewBOCCA, not ChewBACKA. Don’t make us come over there and give y’all back to the Germans, damn it! Secondly, was that an impression of Chewie beating off?