Man Bites Dog
Over the past several months HDW has logged a lot of miles making fun of The Vicktim (Michael Vick) and his “alleged” dog fighting ring. By now I’m sure everyone has read that The Vicktim has been indicted by a grand jury which of course still means he’s innocent until proven guilt. Blah, blah, blah! If it’s worth anything to you, Hitler never stood trial nor was he convicted by a jury of his peers either, but you don’t see anyone saying to hold off passing judgment on that douche bag do you?
Now, don’t get your feathers in a wad, or your panties ruffled, I’m not comparing The Vicktim to Hitler. I’m just trying to let you know that sometimes if it smells like a turd, looks like a turd, feels like a turd, then just maybe you don’t need to shove it in your mouth to see if it tastes like a turd. I could be wrong, so go for broke, you purveyors of justice and defenders of The Vicktim. While you’re at it, don’t forget to tell me all about Barry Bonds* and Jason Giambi not failing a drug test.
The court of public opinion is always the ultimate arbiter of justice anyway in these cases against the rich and famous. Most of the time, they walk free with a slap on the wrist after spending millions on lawyers and even more on bribing the right judge or politician (e.g., O.J. Simpson). “Los Angeles would have burned if not for my decision!”, is what the judge told himself as he slipped into his nightly drug induced sleep. Yeah, keep telling yourself that judge. Just replace LA with Atlanta for this next trial folks.
That’s where the beautiful people of America come into play. Dennis Miller talked several months ago on his radio show about the need to bring back shunning. The act of shunning was a form of punishment that the Puritans regularly used as a tool to teach people a lesson when they did something that may or may not be completely illegal. The people of the town were informed of the crime committed and the person was shunned for a period of time.
We all know that The Vicktim will be absolved and found “innocent” of all charges conveniently just before the Falcons season, so shunning may be our only weapon to use against someone who committed such a heinous act. But, in the small unlikely chance that he is convicted, I’ll call dibs on the title of that blog post: ConVICKted! Trust me, this shunning thing is all we’ve got people, because The Vicktim will not see a minute inside a jail cell for this one my friends. What’s this you say? It wasn’t all that bad???? It was just a nice game of sport between two dogs? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that.
Before fights, participating dogs of the same sex would be weighed and bathed, according to the filings. Opposing dogs would be washed to remove any poison or narcotic placed on the dog’s coat that could affect the other dog’s performance.
Sometimes, dogs weren’t fed to “make it more hungry for the other dog.”
Fights would end when one dog died or with the surrender of the losing dog, which was sometimes put to death by drowning, strangulation, hanging, gun shot, electrocution or some other method, according to the documents.
If I have to listen to one more person explain to me the “someone is innocent until proven guilty” horse shit, I’m going to snap and end up in jail myself. Slow down there Judge Jethro and Cletis! That high school equivalency diploma they gave you at the local community college along with the 400 hours of Judge Judy you’ve watched does not make you a legal expert. Just because you’ve been in court (as a defendant) more than most lawyers doesn’t give you the knowledge to lecture anyone about the inter-workings of our countries legal system, f**k-nut! Stick with what you know… milking cows and making butter.
I know the rule of law and I’m not asking them to lock anyone up until proven guilty assholes. But at the same time, I know The Vicktim will walk and this dog and pony show (excuse the pun) really insults my intelligence. Will the commissioner of football suspend The Vicktim for the season? Do you really think that if I was indicted by a grand jury that I would still keep my job and be treated the same by my many “fans” while waiting for trial? If you’re waiting to go on trial for killing one of your kids—in the interim—they generally don’t let you keep the other kids you didn’t get around to killing that fateful night before the cops arrived. I know, just because he’s covered in blood and holding a chainsaw doesn’t mean he’s not—say it together class—innocent until proven guilty!
So, I’m looking forward to that game here at home when The Vicktim shows up to play a game against the Jaguars. Our section of the stadium (433 in the house!) will be ready to let him know just how we feel when he walks onto that field. Look for me Mikey, I’ll be the one in the stands holding the sign that reads, “Hey Michael Dick, remember, all dogs go to heaven, so you won’t be able to organize dog fights in the after life!”
The article says he used to starve the dogs to make them fight harder and really go in for the kill? The Vicktim is lucky Jack Del Rio is a nice guy, because if he wasn’t he’d conveniently forget to feed Big John Henderson and Marcus Stroud before the game. Nothing like a little roasted falcon to satisfy that defensive tackle hunger inside.
And one last thing Victim, a friend of my dog wanted to give you a kiss to wish you luck in your time of need. Here, let me get that cage door for you dog murderer…