I just read that President Bush will be handing over all presidential powers to VP Dick Cheney tomorrow during a routine colonoscopy [Editor’s note: The word routine should never, ever, ever, ever be used to describe any event that involves my asshole and a camera being shoved up said asshole]. Let me tell you why the liberals will be on edge tomorrow all day, watching Fox News for that first report of President Bush’s successful procedure. Two words… President Cheney. Hold on, I need to say that one again. President Dick Cheney. Wow, that really rolls off the tongue nicely.
Anyway, If there truly is power in prayer, then President Bush has nothing to worry about, because all 30 million liberals in this country will be engaged in simultaneous super prayer hoping for his fast and safe recovery. Again… President Cheney. Man, I keep smelling cinnamon rolls???? Who’s baking in the office? The leaders of North Korea and Iran will also be praying that President Bush isn’t out long enough for President Cheney to turn Iran into a giant pretty glass plate and North Korea into a frozen tundra (of the nuclear winter type).
Thank God HDW has a time machine and can actually be there in the future, in the hospital room when President Bush returns to power.
Dubya: What, what, man I feel groggy. I just had the weirdest dream that I was a butterfly, that could breathe fire, and was like 500 feet long.
Doctor: A dragon?
Dubya: Yeah, a dragon, that’s it. A dragon. Those were some good drugs Doc.
Doctor: Yes Mr. President, the drugs are going to be wearing off over the next few hours.
Dubya: I haven’t felt this high since that night Daddy won the presidency in ’88, if you know what I mean Doc? Heh, heh, heh [shoulders going up and down while laughing].
Cheney: [walks in the room]: Welcome back Mr President. Let’s get down to business.
Dubya: Yeah, that’s right, I’m ready to take back over.
Cheney: Well sir, we had a couple a “problems” while you were out.
Dubya: How long was I out Dickie?
Cheney: Well sir, about two and half hours.
Dubya: Can’t be too bad then, right?
Cheney: Well sir, while in power, I sort of took the liberty of bombing Iran and North Korea’s nuclear sites. Oh, and I had the FBI deport Sean Penn and the CIA execute Michael Moore. And I had the CDC release a genetic mutation in cats and dogs that will allow them to only give birth to full grown cats and dogs.
Dubya: Damn it Dickie, what was the last thing I said to you before I went under?!?!?!
Cheney/Dubya: [speaking in unison] Whatever you do, do not bomb Iran and North Korea’s nuclear sites.
Cheney: You said not to bomb them… not. Riiight, got it. Condi said she thought you slipped in the word not. I totally owe her ten bucks.
Dubya: Oh well, that’ll teach ’em to mess with Dubya. How’s my butthole doc?
Doctor: Well sir, you’re fit as a fiddle. Actually, I’ve never seen such a beautifully clean and pristine anal cavity sir.
Dubya: [squints eyes, cocks head slightly, and points finger at the doc] Are you hitting on me Doc? Heh, heh, heh. Just kidding Doc. Don’t ask, don’t tell, right Doc. Heh, heh, heh. Email a copy of that colonoscopy video to Hillary if you don’t mind there Doc. Come on Dickie, we have to get Haliburton on the phone and find out if they can drill for oil through that giant glass plate they used to call Iran.
Wait Dickie, did you say earlier that through the power of genetics, that you basically got rid of kittens and puppies?