RIP MLB

Bonds* Rookie Card

Nope, nothing to see here.  Just a fully authentic Barry Bonds* rookie season baseball card.  Damn it, if only he’d played for the Mets that year so I could finally use my stupid ass Metroid joke.  <fingersCrossed>Oh well, maybe the Yankees will trade Giambi to the Mets soon.</fingersCrossed>   

Call me an asshole, but I was truly hoping the Barry Bonds* slump would stretch long enough to the point where he didn’t tie Hank’s all time home run record until September 11, but alas, this dream did not transpire.  Who knows, maybe the next HR won’t come for about five weeks and we can still associate this disgrace with the saddest day in American history.  Is that wrong?  You’re right, that is wrong.  Fine, stretch out the season and let him hit it on December 7 instead.  With the lack of history being taught in the public government school system, no one will ever notice.  Unless of course that’s Paris Hilton’s birthday or something???

I never thought I’d say this, but… “Let’s Go A-Rod!!!!”  Oh well, at least Bonds* hasn’t passed the world home run king.  

My favorite part of the “historic” home run was that of Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig’s “celebration” as Bonds* rounded the bases.  The expression on his face looked somewhere between him being forced to watch a snuff film involving an 80 year-old woman and one of the family pets, and a Keanu Reeves movie not co-starring Laurence Fishburne.

I did enjoy the post game interviews when they trotted out the dude that “caught” the home run ball that Bonds* hit.  Seriously, I was waiting for this guy to break into the “I’d like to thank Jesus and my Mom” speech.  Don’t believe me?  As soon as I find the video I’ll embed it.  For now, here’s one of his quotes.

“I’m not the one who made any big accomplishment. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. It was pretty neat to be a part of history,” Hughes said.

Really Hughes, no big accomplishment you say?  Come on man, give credit where credit is due.  You did something that most couldn’t do in a life time without the help of several very important skills, such as the ability to see or having arms with opposable thumbs.  Trust me, there are some people in the world who couldn’t perform such an amazing and triumphant feat.  And look on the bright side, you did it all without the assistance of performance inhancing drugs.  Kudos to you Hughes; you’re truly a hall of fame kind of guy.  And by hall of fame I mean you could work there… as a janitor… or maybe a security guard.       

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Posted on August 5, 2007, in Baseball. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. great blog…but the true underlying gem was the embedded article in the above hyperlink “some people”. That’s so wrong, but so HDW. Well done.

  2. Yes, the no armed bandit in that article is quite impressive. Best of all is this portion of the story…

    Wiley was already facing felony charges of driving without a license on May 8 when a police officer spotted him behind the wheel of a blue Ford Explorer at a convenience store. The officer told him to wait while he ran a license check.

    He put the truck in gear and sped off, according to the arrest report. Officers pursued, but called off the chase because the Ford was zipping through oncoming traffic in a “reckless” manner. Wiley was arrested the next day and charged with fleeing.

    So, the cops couldn’t catch this guy with no arms and just one leg in a high speed chase??? I’m guessing those cops are getting their share of a good “ribbing” back at the precinct by their fellow offices.

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