Jesus Christ, I Love These New Toys!
Daniel Sold Separately
Looks like Wal-Mart is going to start carrying Bible action figures. Finally, right? Come on Hasbro, or whoever it is making these things, why don’t you just hand Robot Chicken everything on a silver platter? At least in the past they’d have to work a little at converting old hippie action figures into biblical characters to make fun of Christianity. Nothing more fun than trying to make out whether or not the action figure they’re using in that Robot Chicken skit about Jesus is a whiskerless Liono or a robed He-Man.
Actually, these action figures are just another reason I wish I was a kid again. How totally awesome would it be to pit G.I. Joe against COBRA—in a mountainous battle of the ages made from all the comforters and blankets in your mom’s linen closet. Just when you thought the good guys were beat and had lost the battle, Duke calls in re-enforcements. Jesus, Moses, Adam, and even G.I. Joseph all immediately get airlifted “in theatre” and start going medieval on Cobra Commander and Destro’s ass. Floods! Plagues of frogs and locust! Cats and dogs, living together! Fire and carnage rain down in biblical proportions as Jesus calls in an air strike by none other than Big Daddy himself — God. The ground splits open to release the hounds of hell, as they proceed to rip apart the souls of thy enemy with extreme prejudice. After the long hard fought battle, Jesus—with a little help from your mom—turns water into grape koolaid. Hell yeah!