The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves
You guys are not going to believe this. Some Muslim cleric has proclaimed that beating your wife is not something you should do… without first admonishing them and refusing to share a bed with them. So, correct them ten times, kick them out of bed, then and only then, is it okay to slap the shit out of them. Sign me up!!!! If only I could grow a decent beard. So ladies, remember, a vote for Hillary is a vote for wife beating. Here is some other marriage advice he gave.
“Beating in the face is forbidden, even when it comes to animals,” he explained. “Even if you want your camel or donkey to start walking, you are not allowed to beat it in the face. If this is true for animals, it is all the more true when it comes to humans. So beatings should be light and not in the face.”
Dude, any wife beater worth his salt already knows to beat their wives in a way that her co-workers, friends, and especially family can’t see the bruises. What is this guy, a rookie? I do love his rationale that you wouldn’t hit your camel or donkey in the face to get them to walk, so why would you do that to your wife. That’s right, slap her on the ass instead! Wait, it gets even better.
“Woman, it has gone too far. I can’t bear it anymore,” he tells the men to tell their wives. “If he beats her, the beatings must be light and must not make her face ugly.
I know what you’re thinking, and I would have asked the same question. What if she’s already ugly? Can I punch her in the throat then? How about a good kick to the nose? If only someone would hurry up and invent steal-toed sandals already. Come on Mr. Religious and Spiritual leader, she’s already ugly. I mean Jesus… err, I mean Allah, I’d already rather have sex with my camel or goat anyway. Of course, I’ve saved the best for last.
“He should not beat her like he would beat an animal or a child — slapping them right and left.”
Really? Dude, I was all about converting to Islam, but you lost me at not being able to beat my wife the same way I beat my child. After a hard days work at the sand factory, I should be able to come home and take it out on the ones I love by doing the following (and in this order):
- Kicking my dog in the stomach.
- Punching my child in the face.
- And finally, beating my wife just as hard as I beat my dog and child.
What kind of mickey mouse crazy ass religion are y’all running over there? Did you really think all of this through when you made up this religion? What if I’m married to my daughter? You see there, now that’s thinking outside of the proverbial box, theologically speaking. Here are some departing words from al Don Juan Abdul Obama: marriage counselor to the sheiks.
“Unfortunately, many husbands beat their wives only when they get mad, and when they start beating, it as if they are punching a wall – they beat with their hands, right and left, and sometimes use their feet. Brother, it is a human being you are beating. This is forbidden. He must not do this.”
Yes, ye must always remember while beating a wife, she too is a human being. Well, three fifths of a human being anyway, but close enough, right? Am I right? It’s not like she’s allowed to drive. So Islam, until you get these wife beating rules a little more clearly defined, I’ll just stick with being good ole Irish Catholic, where both the husband and wife get to beat the shit out of the kids and each other, thank you very much!