Ready to Get Lost Again?
The new Lost season begins Jan 31st and is moving to Thursday nights at 9:00pm. I’m going to need a new DVR just for Thursday nights, damn it! Some of the questions not yet answered are listed below, just in case you forgot details from last season, which ended approximately 4,815,162,342 short months ago.
- Question 1: Why do I watch this show?
- Question 2: No really, will you please tell me why I put myself through such things?
- Question 3: Will Hurley finally lose some of that weight after being stranded on an island for so long? I mean come on, at least the Skipper on Gilligan’s Island started dropping some weight after a few seasons. Granted, in real life he was dying of AIDS at the time… I kid, I kid. It was herpes.
- Question 4:Will they kill off the latest real-life DUI character Jin-Soo Kwon? When asked, the star was quoted as saying, “Whatever sugar tits” as he flipped off the camera.
Speaking of JJ Abrams, check out the latest on the Cloverfield pre-story by clicking here (password: jllovesth). Not sure if you watched the first four videos yet, but interesting stuff if you can sit through the soap opera bullshit. Watch the latest video and come back. I’ll wait. So, just do what your man says and freeze that shit girl! Well, the way it’s looking, maybe she ends up being the monster after getting infected with the substance her man sent her and she refuses to freeze. Why will it take almost a month for her to be infected? Simple — she didn’t go ape shit until her first period hit. “Look out, a giant menstruating woman who just had her boyfriend break up with her… RUN!!!!”
Great marketing scheme guys. Why didn’t someone think of doing this pre-movie storyline crap before? Oh, that’s right, no Internet. The Internet is crawling with official subplots for the coming movie. All kinds of Lost like company websites and stuff. As the story goes, it looks like a Japanese company has been out in the Atlantic searching some deep sea crevasses and uncovered the monster/animal. Or are they creating it through genetic research? Regardless, it doesn’t get to the New York shores until 1-18-08. I’m sure it was Greenpeace trying to just “save” the poor “innocent” creature or something. They shutdown the power to the containment grid (just like in Ghostbusters, right?) and BAM, here comes trouble. Yes it’s true Mr. Mayor, this man has no dick.
Wait, screw that. It’s not a giant mutated menstruating pissed off woman. I did hear that the beast attempts to run ashore in Jersey, but the smell was unbearable and she decided to move North a bit (you and eight million New Yorkers my friend).
So, here’s the story… The Japanese offshore oil drilling team searching for oil uncovered a large pocket below the sea floor. The creature lives in oil, or on oil. Prehistoric beast, millions of years old. That would explain the oil tanker getting taken out on the way into Manhattan. Wait, maybe it needs oil to survive and once the drill team depleted his cavern of his supply he decided to go find some more. Holy shit, the U.S. Strategic Petroleum Reserves in New Orleans. This monster is after our 700 million barrels of oil reserves. It just wants a place to sleep. Call in the big guns… get me Dick Cheney on line one, now!