The Salaam Witch Hunt
Every four years, without fail, some people will reveal to all their friends, family, and anyone else in earshot at the bar, that if <insert political candidate> wins the election, they’re moving to another country. If they’re conservative, it’s off to Australia, if they’re liberal, it’s off to Cuba, where it’s fair because everyone gets the same sized government issued rice cooker. Albeit, no rice to cook, but at least your neighbor’s family is starving too. Finally, equality for all my friend.
One of the other countries the younger liberals love to love is Iran, where its leader pulls no punches when addressing the evils of the tyrannical President Bush and the Great Satan, America. Any country that hates America can’t be all that bad, right hippies? They truly do believe in and embrace the old Art of War philosophy that “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” (okay, maybe that’s not from the Art of War, but it sounds better when I reference it as such).
So, to counter the love-fest these Clintonites show for these insidious theocracies, we here at HDW like to post examples outlining the ills of these ass backwards middle eastern countries, and boy have we found a dozy this time. Today’s example takes us to beautiful sunny Saudi Arabia, which is actually one of the few countries the liberals do hate, but only because they have the audacity to allow the U.S. to maintain a military presence there, which is ideal for launching attacks on the once tranquil peace loving nations of Iraq and Afghanistan.
Our story is that of a witch and her crimes against Islam. Here’s the nut of the story.
The illiterate woman was detained by religious police in 2005 and allegedly beaten and forced to fingerprint a confession that she could not read.
Among her accusers was a man who alleged she made him impotent.
Human Rights Watch said that Ms Falih had exhausted all her chances of appealing against her death sentence and she could only now be saved if King Abdullah intervened.
That’s right, this illiterate woman has been convicted of witchcraft and sentenced to death on the grounds that she made a guy impotent through the wonders of magic. Really? She used magic? Women usually just make men impotent through the power of getting really fat, so this is a little bit of overkill if you ask me. Although, knowing some of the laws in the middle east, a woman getting really fat is probably a crime punishable by death as well.
But, let’s just play along and assume that she did cast a magic spell called “abbry cadabry, your dong’s always flabby”. Is that really a crime punishable by death? If so, Saudi Arabia needs to immediately go pick up Rosie O’Donnell. She’s made more men impotent than eating a salt-peter popsicle while accidentally seeing your grandma naked as she’s getting out of the tub. “Now, put down that popsicle and hand gammy her robe.”
All kidding aside, how can any woman or liberal not want to destroy some of these countries current governments and religious institutions? If anything else, let’s at least do it for the sake of half their population; the half that had the misfortune and dumb luck of being born female in the middle east.
Now, where did I put my wand? That lock of Hillary Clinton’s hair that I bought on eBay just arrived in the mail and I have to get started before this falls erection, err… I mean election. Damn it, if she wins, I’m moving to Austria!!! Or is it Australia? Whatever!