Category Archives: E-Racism

Black is Beautiful, Tan is Grand, White is the Color of the MLB Commissioner

Not a Black Guy!

It has been announced today that Major League Baseball is only .082% Asian.  When calculating management and coaching staff only, the Asian population in Major League Baseball is a paltry .00082%, which equates to 1/4 of a person — the assistant third base coach for the Dodgers, Chuck Johnson (his great grandmother lived in Hawaii as a teenager).

This travesty of justice must be corrected.  You only have to look at how well blacks are represented in professional baseball to understand why this wrong must be righted.  It was announced today that 8.2% of the MLB population is black, and with the total black population in America at around 12%, many feathers were ruffled.  The NAACP was quoted today as saying, “We want 4% more blacks represented in Major League Baseball, and we want it now!”  The federal government promised to tear down basketball courts everywhere and build baseball diamonds throughout the inner city immediately.

The study on diversity in baseball had this to say.

“Baseball has probably lost a whole generation here,” Lapchick said. “African-Americans just aren’t playing it at this point. They’re going to have to increase their efforts.”

Wait, “they” are going to have to increase “their” efforts?  Who is “they,” baseball or black kids?

Once again, the study failed to address the even less represented Asians in baseball.  The commissioner of baseball was quick to try and reclassify David Ortiz as three black guys, but the citizens of Boston immediately began to riot when they heard the news that they would have to root for a black guy as their number one sports hero.  So, the commissioner of baseball did the only other thing he knew to do — he called the commissioner of football to see if they could spare any black athletes for the cause.  A MLB representative was asked if they had a message for the NFL, to which he replied “Yes!  Come on guys, the NFL is 82% black…. stop hogging all the good athletes!”

An NFL official, who requested annonimity on the grounds he was a white guy, was quoted as saying “If we [NFL] gave up any black athletes to them [MLB] it would drop us below our required 80% quota, and that is completely unacceptable.”  The commisoner of the NBA hung up almost immediately and refused to comment on their quota requirements, except to say, “Listen, we have a 4.0% white player rate in the NBA which we’re proud of, and with Dirk out with a knee injury we’re down to 3%, so please leave us alone.”

[Editor’s Note: After exstensively searching ESPN’s website, we couldn’t find one article referencing the racist issue of such a low white player ratio in the NBA, and even lower Asian rate.  The fact that not one Jew is playing in the NBA has raised some eyebrows with many, but not ESPN.  They’re way too busy trying to count how many “blacks” play in Major League Baseball and how to classify African-Caribbean-Americans.  You stay classy ESPN, you stay classy.]

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eRacism: Making Racism Extinct

This article I was reading was both interesting and educational as I learned there was a dinosaur that once roamed the Earth with a vacuum cleaner like ability to suck up food.  Seemed innocent enough, right?  Not so fast.

Discoverer Paul Sereno named the elephant-sized animal Nigersaurus taqueti, an acknowledgment of the African country Niger and a French paleontologist, Philippe Taquet.

Are you bullshitting me?  Really, that’s the name you came up with Mr. Scientist?  Let me guess, its diet was exclusively that of a small chicken like animal?  Thank God he didn’t discover a dinosaur’s skeletal remains in the Irish country-side that couldn’t stop drinking, even if it killed them.  “Ladies and gentleman, I discovered a new extinct species today.  I give you, the Micasaurus!”  Or maybe one discovered just outside of San Fransisco with strange mating habits that is believed to have contributed to its extinction… the Assasaurus (aka, Barney)!  Wait, how ’bout one discovered in Italy that had skin like a terrycloth jump suite.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you… the Wopasaurus!!!! 

Enough with the racism scientists.  Please, just leave me alone.  Can’t we all just get along?  Wait, I’ve got another one.  An elephant type dinosaur with ties to Israel and connections with big oil… the Neoconasaurus!  Talk about selling out your people.  A dinosaur with connections to big oil. 

Check please.

Marketing Geniuses Unite!

Run Forrest, Run!!!!!

I can’t find the YouTube version of this video, so you’re just going to have to follow this link.  Make sure you keep your eyes on the sideline towards the end of the Vikings run into the end zone.  Trust me, someone in the Dallas Cowboys front office is either a latent racist, a complete and utter idiot, or maybe even both.  Nothing like scaring the hell out of a bunch of black NFL players by placing the Young Klan Kids of Greater Dallas Fort Worth on the sidelines.  What, you couldn’t find any nooses to hang from the goal posts Dallas?  The Cowboys halftime show for next week?  You got it — Civil War re-enactment.  Let me guess?  The South didn’t lose that war, it’s just halftime, right?  You stay classy Dallas; you stay classy.

Speaking of racist, I just found out today that in 1923, in the case of UNITED STATES v. BHAGAT SINGH THIND, that the Supreme Court of the U.S. argued and declared that Indians (re: people from the country of India) are not of the Caucasian persuasion (i.e., white).  I’m sorry, the answer we were looking for was not white.  Not white.  The correct answer was not white.  Thank you for playing though.  Who knew, right?  Anyway, I found it rather interesting that the highest court of the land was debating such an issue in the first place.  Here’s the nut of the case.

Is a high-caste Hindu, of full Indian blood, born at Amritsar, Punjab, India, a white person within the meaning of section 2169, Revised Statutes?

Remember the best part about this whole case kids — in the supreme court, someone has to write a dissenting view point on all rulings (if at least one justice in the minority existed), counter arguing that Indians are indeed white, Aryan, honkies, or cracka ass crackas if you will.  Now there’s a writing assignment for your ass! 

Which reminded me, I’ve always thought (joked) about how England, Russia, and Germany—for centuries—have been part of a super secret organization in charge of voting new races into their little white race club.  I’m of Irish decent and I think we got voted “onto the island” as they call it, around the turn of the century.  Yay!  It’s beyond me how they got that by them.  At any rate, this was just after they voted to let the Italians in and right before they voted in several of the old Soviet satellite nations (e.g., Czech Republic, Poland).  I had no idea this process actually took place and certainly had no idea it was something in the realm of responsibility of the U.S. high court system.  I guess my good friend in High School was right — you white people be Crazy!