Category Archives: Global Warmism

Dear religious fanatics, 

This week, Bob Lutz, the head of General Motors design team and the number two man in the company, made some interesting observations at a restaurant with media members.  You can read the whole exchange here, but the best quote is this one.

 Global warming is a “total crock of shit.”

I don’t know about you guys, but Bob will soon be receiving a request from my lawyers to adopt me.  Whether the statement is true or not (it is), it’s refreshing to hear someone that “high up” in the world talk like a normal person.  I’m getting t-shirts and bumper stickers made up right now — Global Warming is a Total Crock of Shit!   

For those of you who disagree with the man, please kindly remove your heads from your asses for two minutes, just long enough to understand that what he said about your church is 100% true.  Whether global warmism is real, your churches method for “spreading the gospel” is a total crock of shit.  This is why your cult has to always equate anyone that disagrees with the “science” of global warmism to holocaust deniers.  It’s rather sad that you can’t have an intellectual conversation concerning the causes of climate change without you vilifying anyone who may actually think global temperature change isn’t entirely man made. 

Remember gang, always worry when the scientific community has “consensus” concerning anything, because that’s code for “plenty of grant money” from somewhere.  German scientist had consensus in 1938 that the Jews were actually tailed lizard devils from outer-space and needed to be exterminated to keep the Rhineland pure.  Just because everyone thinks the world is flat or that the sun revolves around the earth, or that we have to stop global cooling (circa 1970: negative global warmism), doesn’t mean that many years later someone can’t sail around the globe and disprove commonly conceived notions disguised as supposed facts, specifically designed by governments as a type of control. 

I’ll make a deal with you.  When a scientist can accurately predict next weeks temperature within five degrees every time for a year then I’ll start to maybe believe they can predict the earth’s temperature 50 years from now.  Until then, Global Warmism is a crock of shit and you are a believer who belongs to the “Church of What’s Happening Now” my friend. 

Oh, one last thing before I get into Reader’s Digest essay length (too late, sorry).  If you’re from Europe and you have an opinion concerning this matter, please type it up on a sheet of paper and promptly cram it up your ass.  Until you save our country from a Canadian invasion, please shut the f**k up.

So, now you Global Warmism members can start bashing me as an idiot and asshole.  Great way to stop debate and encourage group think and most of all, increase the size of your churches congregation.  You can pass around that plate now guys. 

Earth Hater

World Ends! The Poor, Women, Minorities Hardest Hit

A professor over in the UK–Dr. John Brignell–decided to compile a list of links detailing all the problems global warmism is causing (that little weather phenomenon I like to call The Warm Front).  Prepare to spend the entire weekend clicking on these links folks, ’cause there are a lot of them.  The one obvious thing they missed?  Well, they forgot to mention global warmism preventing me from getting laid in High School.  It’s true people.  Allow me to explain.

It was 1985, and I was on top of the world.  I was in the eighth grade and just found out I was once again getting socially promoted to the next grade level.  Ninth grade here I come.  Nothing could be better folks.  All my “ducks” were falling into place.  Prince had a number one album, they picked up Miami Vice for another season,  I was getting that new 27 pound arcade controller for my Nintendo, the Red Sox were beginning a season with a rookie named Roger Clemens who was going to win us an ass load of World Series over the next 20 years, and it was determined by my guidance counselor that nothing higher than basic general math skills were going to be something I’d need in the retail sales or food industry.  General Math III was my bitch, and I treated it as such.  Take that fractions, you retarded cousin of the decimal! 

I was about to be a ninth grader in Junior High School — the top dog.  It was like being a senior, only without all those military recruiters.  No more getting my ass beat by anybody san the dean of boys, and tons of “action” from all those low-life eighth grade bitches.  I was finally going to be the top dog for the first time since the fifth grade. 

Then it happened.  A little piece of me died inside when I heard.  I can remember it like it was yesterday.  There I was, beginning my day like always; at the front of the class, sharpening my mechanical pencil in the pencil sharpener, when the teacher broke the news.  It was announced that the ninth grade was going to be moved to the Senior High School the very next year!  DO F**KING WHAT?!!!  ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!!!  The teacher was not happy at my outbursts at all.  Actually, I did shit my pants a little when I heard the bad news. 

I begged the teachers to hold me back so I’d at least be a “senior” in the eighth grade, but it was a no go.  My system of scaring the shit out of my teachers to the point where they couldn’t wait to pass me no matter how little I had learned was now working against me.  All I could do was look back at all the mistakes I had made, like sending love notes to the teacher (be they male or female, 30 or 90), or answering all of the questions on the test with just the word REDRUM in really thick red ink.  I even did it with the math tests… on scan-trons.  Nope, they were getting rid of my sorry ass, and I’d love to of been a fly on the wall at that teacher’s lounge happy hour party the last day of the school year.  

So, I went on to the ninth grade at the Senior High and proceeded not to get laid every day because of it.  It had nothing to do with me, or my clothes, or my super cool sha-na-na hair, or my 115 pound frame.  I just never got the chance to be that top dog is all.  Thanks a lot public school system, you failed me in so many more ways than you will ever know.   

Oh, and thanks for nothing GLOBAL WARMING!

Mommy, Where Do Dead Babies Come From?

Answer: From liberals just trying to help sweetie. 

In this article, a woman decided to save the planet by having herself sterilized, never to “accidentally” produce a baby again.  After getting pregnant several years ago she decided to have the baby scrambled and sucked from her womb.  Damn it, I mean fetus, her fetus scrambled and sucked from her womb!  And to think, if I were pregnant I’d be worried about silly things like whether the baby had ten fingers, ten toes, or was generally in good health.  I’m sooooo f**king selfish.  To each “his” own I guess. 

Well, believe it or not, it wasn’t enough to save the planet by just terminating her bab… err, I mean pregnancy. 

Incredibly, so determined was she that the terrible “mistake” of pregnancy should never happen again, that she begged the doctor who performed the abortion to sterilise her at the same time. 

So, this idiot can no longer reproduce… YAY!!!!  I have a quick question for her though.  Does she think that if Al Gore’s mom had an abortion that the planet would actually be better off today?  Actually, don’t answer that one, bad example.  I will agree with the obvious fact that it appears that this woman not being able to reproduce is in fact a good thing for the planet.  Remember, the nut rarely falls far from the tree (pardon the tree hugging pun).  As a matter of fact, I think all you “green” eco-friendly global warmists out there should do your part and get sterilized.  Screw carbon credits, I’m ready to purchase Sterilization Credits.  I got it — Footprint Credits!  Saving the planet by reducing actual footprints, one f**king liberal douchebag at a time! 

Jesus: Remember when you looked back and there were only one set of footprints on the beach during those tough times?  

You: Yes Jesus, I remember.  Was that when you were carrying me?

Jesus: No asshole, that was when you murdered your child and had a doctor remove my only true gift of creating life!  Thanks for saving the planet for the roaches though.  

You: Anytime Jesus.  Anytime.

Here Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby….

Gassing The Curds?

[Editor’s Note: I battled back and forth as to whether or not I should name this post Gassing The Curds or Apocalypse Cow.  It was a tough decision, and one I will let history and you readers ultimately decide.]   

Every month it seems like I read another article about global warmism that finally “jumps the shark” and subsequently enlightens people to the fact that maybe it’s all just a big pyramid scheme cooked up by politicians as yet another control.  This months shark jumping global warmism article really gives me hope that this day has finally come (yet again).  I’ll let you click, read, and decide for yourself.  For those of you with no free time to spare I’ll give the abbreviated version in the form of the always sufficient yet super efficient excerpt.  Remember folks, this is an article from the much respected Reuters “News” Agency.

Manners aside, getting cows to burp less can help reduce global warming.

Using modern plant-breeding methods to find new diets for cows that make them belch less is a way to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, scientists said on Monday.

No, I’m not going to point out the many logical fallacies present throughout the article; nor am I going to explain with the usual 10,000 word thesis about global warmism being just mankind’s latest manifestation of their existential guilt stemming from a lack of world disorder and personal strife when compared to previous generations.  I am also definitely not going to do what the global warmists do, which is to simplify the scientific debate by using anecdotal data such as this.  When man feels they’ve figured it all out, God always has this funny way of making us look like the small inconsequential idiots that we truly are (e.g.,  the Earth being flat; Einstein’s early assumption that the atom contained no energy; Newton’s assertion that simple metals can  be turned to gold; the moon being made of cheese, or was it spare ribs???).

So, to drive my point home—instead of my usual prose—I’ve decided to do something entirely different, new, and exciting.  Something I am really good at… for once.  That’s right, the age old tactic of being a smart ass.  No amount of scientific research, convenient or otherwise, can hold a candle to the infinite power of smart assology.  Most people who have the displeasure of knowing me know I’m pretty good at pissing people off, and that I could entice Mother Teresa to kick me in the throat within five minutes of meeting her.   

It’s a gift and we know what God says about gifts.  For you heathens, you’re not supposed to bury those suckers, so I’m honing this skill until I reach Jedi Master asshole status.  If there was such a thing as a PhD in asshole, I would be the tenured professor.  The big asshole man on campus.  Wait, scratch that, that sounds a bit too homoerotic.  Maybe the asshole of doctors?  Not to be confused with an asshole doctor (a la proctologist).  Paging Dr. Asshole, paging Dr. Asshole, you’re needed on the Internet Dr. Asshole. 

Oh no, I’m not done yet.  I am also the zen master of being an asshole.  The Drunken Massterhole if you will.  If being an asshole was a religion, I wouldn’t be the christ, but pretty damn close.  Maybe the Pope.  Your assholiness!  Please forgive me for my sins against humanity, it has been never since my last confession.  Done!  Now throw three hail marys into the end zone and call me in the morning.

I’m trying to convince my friends, family, and employer (especially my employer) that this asshole “problem” is not my fault, but rather a sickness or an illness.  I’m just an asshololic if you will.  I was just born in the shallow end of the gene pool in that department.  You wouldn’t condemn someone for having cancer would you?  I didn’t think so.  Cut me a break douche bag!

Now that we’ve determined my skill level in the dark arts of assholiness, I’ll show off said skills by presenting the Top Ten List of Things You Can Do To Save The Planet.  This, of course, is besides stopping cows from farting and burping.

  • Number 10 – Turn your entire back yard and front yard into a farm and grow all your own food.  Build a pig pen and hen house in the far corner of your back yard and be sure to schedule all animal slaughters (no cows allowed of course) to coincide with the elementary school letting out.  Oh, and instead of using fertilizer, just have the whole family shit in the front yard.
  • Number 9 – Kill all the surviving members of the Beatles.  Remember, Paul is Dead.  [Editor’s Note: If you understand this joke then you too are an asshole, a dirty hippie, or not one of those douche bag Rolling Stones fans.  Strong in this one the assholiness force is!]
  • Number 8 – This one is a two pronged attack.  First, stop using beauty products, such as shampoo, soap, and most of all, deodorant.  These products, even in non-aerosol form, are very bad for the environment.  The second step is to have your car destroyed and start walking or riding a bike to work (under no circumstance should you sell your car to another person just so they can kill mother earth with it instead of you).  Once you stop using deodorant and start walking/riding to work, you’ll finally be able to sit in that 10 AM meeting with the full knowledge (and all your co-workers full knowledge) that you care about your mother Earth.  In fact, you’ll reek of it.  The sanctimonious piety will be dripping off of you as you declare to everyone, “Hey everyone, not taking care of our planet stinks!”  To which someone in the conference room who’s less Earth-Aware than you will reply, “Did Bigfoot eat a bunch of Indian food and take a gigantic shit in that trash can over there?”
  • Number 7 – Get a bumper sticker!  Everyone knows a true environmentalist’s mettle is measured in direct relation with the weight of the bumper stickers slapped on to every square inch of the back window, trunk, and bumper of their car.  For God’s sake, how are we to save the planet if you don’t take that first step of informing those SUV owners how evil they are.  What?  You had your car crushed and destroyed already?  Crap!  Okay, either install a small chrome bumper onto the back of your bicycle and put it there, or buy a hemp t-shirt with that same bumper sticker slogan on it.  Something along the lines of, “Jesus loves you!  Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole for not driving a Prius.”, or maybe this classic instead, “Reuse, Recycle, Re- – -member, you’re still an asshole for not driving a Prius.”
  • Number 6 – Go on a massive killing spree or partake in some other lesser known form of genocide.  Many radical environmentalist will tell you that reducing the world’s population is very important and a requirement if we truly want to save all those endangered fish and owls.  To do your part, you can either find a clock tower in the middle of town and begin to “thin out the herd” by showing off your mad Call of Duty skills, or maybe go get pregnant and have an abortion, or simply kill a homeless person or hooker near your house.  Remember, almost giving is just like almost killing another human being to save the planet.  Do it for your children.  Wait, you have children?  You planet hater!
  • Number 5 – Destroy all your worldly possessions.  This has the added benefit of increasing your chances of going to heaven too.  And by heaven I mean living in a place more like San Francisco.  Own a house?  Do you have any idea how much wood was used to build your house?  Do you know what wood is made out of my friend?  That’s right, trees.  I was shocked to hear this as well.  They may call it a renewable resource, but tell that to the squirrels now living in what equates to an apartment complex as opposed to a penthouse high rise.  Destroying your house is not going to be easy, because burning it would destroy the planet and a bulldozer would do the same.  Maybe a pick axe?  No wait, the handle is made of wood (aka, trees).  Okay, got it!  A pick axe minus the handle.  Come back when you’re done, we’ll all wait right here.
  • Number 4 – In the infamous words of the great poet DJ Casper and his brilliant prose, Cha-Cha Slide: Reverse, Reverse!!!!   Today, it’s not enough to just stop destroying the planet, we need to reverse what we’ve done.  Let the healing begin.  Reverse, Reverse!!!!  Take your house that you destroyed and feed it to some needy and hungry termites.  Go down to your local Wal-Mart and start ripping up the asphalt parking lot with your handle-less pick axe.  Take those dead homeless dudes and hookers and plant them as fertilizer in your garden on the lot where your house once stood.  Reverse, Reverse!!!  Buy a potato gun and start shooting iodine into passing clouds and the rest of the atmosphere.  Passing SUVs (and their owners) may think you’re crazy, but keep telling yourself you’re not.  Yeah, crazy like a fox, asshole; crazy like a fox.  A fox that’s not on the endangered species list because of me man.  Reverse, Reverse!!!!  Choose paper, not plastic.  Reverse, Reverse!!!!
  • Number 3 – Stop wiping your ass.  After “dropping the browns off at the pool” (aka, taking a dump) in your front yard under a tomato plant, do not wipe your booty.  Come on, you’ve already sworn off beauty products and smell like a Las Vegas hooker with a yeast infection wearing sweat pants in July.  What’s a couple of bacon stripped pairs of pantaloons in the wash going to hurt?  Actually, that reminds me; you need to get rid of that washing machine too.  So, either buy a bidet, or get a wrench and fashion one out of the sink in your kitchen.  Why the kitchen and not the bathroom sink you ask?  Simple.  How else are you going to show off how eco-f**king-tastic you are if dinner guest can’t watch you “wash yo ass” after a nice shit? 
  • Number 2 – Recycle.
  • Number 1 – Without further ado, I give you number one in the Top Ten List of Things You Can Do To Save The Planet.  You can only do this one once you’ve completed the first nine steps.  Kill yourself.  It’s that simple.  Commit suicide.  This is the only chance mother earth has.  Your real mother made the initial mistake by giving birth to you.  She chose you because she loved you; that and she accidentally spent that $500 your dad gave her to “take care of it” on shoes and Saturday Night Fever movie tickets.  So, figure out a way to kill yourself in an environmentally-friendly way.  Please don’t poison yourself in the garage with the car running.  Who’d turn off your CO2 spewing car once you’ve assumed room temperature, huh?  (SEE: Number 8)  Hell, you might as well kill yourself by setting a large fire in a forest full of spotted owls.  Of course, if you prepaid your carbon offset credits for that, then by all means, kill yourself (no pun intended).  Call up Terra Pass and find out how many credits you’ll need for that first though.  If you are a true lover of the planet and are going to off the whole family too, then I have two words of advice for you: murder/suicide.  Task order selection is important here.  Remember, suicide first, then murder… rookie!               

Save The Planet (of the Apes)

I was reading an interesting article the other day pertaining to some new global warmism movie and it really made me think.  A scientist by the name of Leonardo DiCaprio was questioned by a reporter for his hypocrisy concerning his new movie about the need to “fix” global warming, which apparently runs counter to his enormous carbon footprint.  How dare you question such a great scientist sir.  Here is climatologist DiCaprio’s response.

Attacks on Al Gore for example I think are misdirected. Don’t shoot the messenger, you know what I’m saying? If you’re going to attack somebody on the way they conduct their life, let’s talk about the big picture, let’s see what big oil companies are doing.

This person is truly trying to relay a message to the public and the way he travels and the way he leads his life should not be splayed out like that.

Amen brother, Algore should not be held to the same standards as the great unwashed.  This movie of Leo’s is going to be amazing, and even aligns him with the great communist leader Micheal Gorbachev, which appears in the movie.  Apparently the global warmists have finally stopped worrying about us finding out that they are aligned with a bunch of commie-loving capitalist-hating socialists.  It gets even better when he gets to the real heart of the matter.

Certainly in the United States we are the ones that should set an example for the rest of the world. We are the most powerful democracy on the planet and we’re also the largest polluters simultaneously.

Old MacDonald had a dog, and… BINGO was his namo!  Translation: America Must Pay! 

Let me see if I can get this straight with a recap.  Big oil companies are the reason for all of the environmental “problems” on this big ole green and blue planet of ours.  Oh, and Americans are the reason big oil exists.  This guy’s good.  Oh, and for a scientist, he’s kind of easy on the eyes.  He could be in movies even.

Okay, I’ve had enough of these idiots getting on their soap boxes made of gold just to preach to us about what we should and shouldn’t do.  Economics 101 dip-shits, there is a demand for oil no matter how “evil” it may or may not be.  Remember, there’d be no prostitutes if there were no johns.  If there wasn’t a demand there simply wouldn’t be a supply.  Disrupting or manipulating this balance (of oil supply/demand, not prostitutes) is the quickest way to ensure true environmental disaster.  The top ten most polluted cities in the world all exist in third world countries where capitalism is not practiced.  That’s right, true environmental terror occurs in communist/socialist/dictatorial countries where the rule of law is not practiced and the consumer has no say into what and how they consume. 

Americans “pollute” more by default because we produce more for the world and are three hundred million strong.  Just ask the billions who use the Internet, or who fly around the world, or who use anything that utilizes a satellite.  It’s easy for a country the size of England or Germany, whose size is equivilent to just one of our larger states, to say we pollute more than others.  Remember, millions will eat tonight because of America.     

A brief history lesson on energy is in order: We humans spent the first 30,000 years of our existence on this planet with a true 100% carbon-based system.  All lighting, heating, cooking, and metallurgical needs were performed using wood <insert joke here>.  This is the most “carbon” of the carbon-based energies, with a ratio of one carbon for every one hydrogen released during consumption (burning).  About 150 years ago most civilized societies moved on to coal, which burns substantially cleaner than wood, releasing about one carbon for every four hydrogen.  Oil and gas are a bit better still over coal.  Within twenty years we will once again make a significant transition and move to a truly carbon-less based system of energy, pure hydrogen.  So, if you’re keeping score, that’s 30,000 years using wood and after only 150 years using coal-oil-gas, a move to hydrogen.  You’d think that would be considered progress, right?  

Wrong!  This hydrogen technology will also be shot down by the global warmist when the day comes that it’s a feasible and viable energy option.  How do I know?  Because, they did it 30 years ago when we had the chance to move to a technology that was truly carbon-less, with the advent of nuclear energy.  This is because the global warmist cares not for the environment, but rather for the end of the “global” civilization as we know it today.  It’s a ruse, a used car commercial rather.  The end of an economic system that rewards the working class, and replaces it with total redistribution of wealth, also know as socialism.   These global warmists are part of the new nobility class whose predecessors once sat on thrones with their riches and told the plebs (that’s us) that we shall not do as we please.  The crown (the government for those of you who went to public schools) shall control your every move.  They know better than you on how to live your life. 

You may think this is a level of hyperbole on HDW’s part when I say global warmists want socialism to prevail, but ask a liberal how they feel about a few issues.  Go ahead, I dare you.  How do you feel about socialized medicine?  How do you feel about people who smoke in a bar?  How do you feel about taxes?  How do you feel about what people drive?  How do you feel about big oil and Wal-Mart and other companies making a profit?  I will bet you $20 to a moldy doughnut that they will fall on the side of big government every time.  Why?  Come on!  They’re f**king idiots, that’s why!!!  Cradle to grave, lazy ass, big government sissies.  They can’t stand for five minutes without big brother holding them up.  THEY’RE WEAKLINGS, THAT’S WHY!        

So, here’s the paragraph you’ve been waiting for.  The money shot.  You know, the one where I say this… 

My point is this, trying to burn less gasoline is not in itself a bad thing.  Trying to up-end our entire economic system with the sole intent of destroying it–whether malicious or otherwise–is not going to save the planet.  This system America has been using for 250 years is not the reason for pollution, it’s the reason we exist today with such a clean environment.  Without it, the world would be wrought with global famine on a scale that would make even Sally Struthers stop eating.  Without it, the world would have been brought under fascist rule of law where not a single person of color (or freedom for any color) would exist today.  As a matter of fact, we’d all be knee deep in horse shit without it.  Without it, Leonardo DiCaprio would not be able to buy a hybrid car, because none would exist.  Toyota and the country of Japan existin its present form because of America, and these hippy Prius drivers better thank God every day.  Remember people, the United States gave Toyota permission to build cars in 1945 after World War II .  To this day, without the American consumer, Japan’s economy would crumble.

As a matter of fact, I just googled this “scientist”, Leonardo DiCaprio.  It appears he is in fact a movie star.  Not only that, I can’t find info on where this guy went to college to take even one science class.  No internship at NASA or NOAA either.  Very strange, but it appears this guy is just a vapid actor with absolutely no formal education of any kind, let alone one in the sciences.  Just a guy with so much free time that he can waste it on trivial things, instead of making a real difference.  Whatever helps you sleep at night rich dude. 

I wonder if Leonardo knows that the movies is a 40 billion dollar a year industry?  That’s $40,000,000,000.00 for you public school kids.  I wonder how many movie theaters are sitting around the world, half empty with the AC blowing and the lights on?  Ten of thousands I bet.  I wonder how many trees have been mowed down to build these eye-sores we call the cineplex?  How many movie theater’s blacktop parking lots are trapping heat right now for tonight when mother Earth attempts to cool?  How many people are driving their SUV to the movies right now?  All that popcorn wasted on those that need it the least. 

I wonder how much money was spent making a movie like say… The Titanic?  Billions of dollars a year spent making movies and the destruction of our planet, and for what?  To entertain us?  At least with the auto industry and big oil, it serves some positive purpose.  Police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, and… oh… just one in every ten jobs in this country.  How many auto workers could have a job for life with one of those $20 million movie contracts of yours?  How dependant are you on the auto industry Leo?  Those cars that take your kids to school or you to work, with maybe the occasional trip to the Earth destroying movies.   

All those resources, wasted for our entertainment.  How many barrels of oil every day are consumed by the movie industry?  How many barrels of blood, for oil, for movies is enough Leonardo DiCarpio?  Without the movie industry Leo would be forced to go to school, maybe learn a trade, or maybe even (*gulp*) get a real job like the rest of us.  How many terrorists do you have to support before you say enough is enough Leo?  When will the madness stop?  I say this — STOP BIG HOLLYWOOD AND SAVE THE PLANET!!!!!  Do it for mother Earth.                       

You Can’t Spell Hypocrite…

… without the word hippy.  Well, sort of; if you spelled hippy with just one ‘p’, but you get the point.  You also can’t spell hypocrite without the words cipher toy or yo pitcher, but that has nothing to do with this post so shut up Tenoso.  Needless to say, one of Hollywood’s (hold owls yo) dirtiest of hippies has always been at the top of the hypocrite list.  None other than the global warming (bra mall gig now) hater John Travolta (java thorn lot).  Okay, I’ll stop with the anagrams (a mans rag).  Got to love this aerial photo of Travolta’s house/air port terminal. 


Johnny has such a large “carbon footprint” (that’s hippie talk for human waste, aka living) he’s the bigfoot of polluters.  If you assholes really wanted to save your mother earth, I’d suggest not seeing another Travolta flick; as if anyone’s done that since Pulp Fiction.  Either that, or kill yourself, and you know what my vote would be.  When asked to comment about his small airline, he was quoted as saying, “Whut?, When?, Where?”  But Mr. Travolta, you preach that we have to live withthe planet and must stop global warming.  Do you see anything odd about Dulles International Airport surrounding your house?  With a dumb look on his face he replied, “Hey, Mr. Kotter.  Up your nose with a rubber hose!”       

Well, if the dumb ass sweathog can’t answer any questions we’ll move on to someone a little further up the food chain of brains.  Prince Charles decided to vacation in Scotland over the Easter holiday and took this 500 mile trip with his private royal jet.  Who wouldn’t, right?  He burned, in fuel, what amounts to thirty commercial flights.  Basically, what an average human (us plebs) would burn in our life-time.  They would have burned significantly less fuel if it wasn’t for Prince Dumbo’s gigantic f**king ears creating such a wind-sheer and drag on the jets coefficient.

I love the fact that these rich and famous folks get to do these extravagant things.  I want to be among these elite snobs so I can tell all my friends to kiss my ass anytime I want to…. and they’d actually do it!  I just wish these “preachers” would shut their holier-than-thou mouths about what the rest of us should and shouldn’t do.  Enjoy your silver spoon, fly over all of us peasants, and let us eat cake every once in a great while.  But please, until you have a PhD in ANYTHING other than spending money and slapping the shit out of your maid, shut up!!!!!!  If they’ll both fit, shove your head and your trust fund up your ass, take a long walk off a short peer, and maybe do all this while playing in traffic.  Thanks.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, there are primarily two kinds of workers on this big planet of ours — ones who earn a living with their brawn and others with their brains.  You know, freight handlers or web developers.  If you can’t do one, you do the other.  Sometimes you could be good at both, such as a successful serial killer.  These guys have to really plan a days work out over several months and then trust me, it ain’t easy carrying 145 lbs through the woods, in the middle of the night, and then dig a gigantic freaking hole.  Remember, shallow grave = get caught, every time.  Like my dad always said, if you decide to be something, be the best at it.  

Then there are the few who earn a living doing neither.  No brains and no brawn.  You know, these dip-shits in Hollywood.  Actors, musicians, and the king ding-a-ling, artists (e.g., painters, sculptors).  God bless you for the services you perform, entertaining us like the monkeys that you are.  I mean, I love movies and music.  But do you see ditch diggers and McDonald’s workers on TV telling us what we should and shouldn’t do?  No!  Remember, you Hollywood freaks are just rich versions of these idiots.  You just happened to win the gene pool lottery of life you water-head.  So, just let People magazine take photos of your ass like we pay you to do, you hookers.  If you really want to save the planet, go to school and become something productive on this planet, like we all did. 

Don’t go flying around the world, expanding your global carbon footprint, adopting every kid in the rainbow just because your nannies are bored.  Just because you advocate the government-funded (genocidal) aborting of every ethnic group in America, doesn’t mean we still don’t have every kid in the rainbow to adopt here.  What a bunch of inconsiderate pricks!  Because of these high profile adoptions by movie stars, China now says they want to stop all these Americans from adopting their kids.  It makes them look bad.  So, Brad, you saved one kid, but guaranteed the deaths and misery of ten of thousands of other Chinese kids.  Hey, look on the bright side… oh wait, no bright side.

So, what is the point here?  Well, if you’re really smart and have knowledge beyond the average man concerning the imminent destruction of life on Earth as we know it, then by all means speak.  Good luck finding a camera that wants to film your goofy ass.  On the other hand, if you couldn’t quite manage to finish High School without the help of a community college and after you hit the ripe old age of 25, then SHUT UP!!!!  Now, entertain me you hairless monkey.  Dance I say, dance.