Category Archives: Peyton Manning

31 NFL Teams All Rejoice At The Same Time

[Editor’s Note: Updated to ensure that Dr. Powell has a good “happy ending” later tonight.

All the 31 other teams can rejoice… and finally!!!!  Good job NFL.  Good job newspapers and media.  Good job referees.  Every one’s favorite team can be happy once again.  Your teams legacy is intact.  Praise Jesus, rejoice and sing to the heavens.  The Steelers and 49ers and Packers and Miami can breath a sigh of relief.  I hope another random team can win next year, so all the powers that be can be happy.  Please make it so Roger.  Thank God the U.S. Senate can now maybe focus on much less pressing issues, like 1.5 million living babies being sucked out of women’s wombs every year.  Just kidding, I don’t give a shit if you kill your baby.  Just one less Steelers fan to deal with at the game in 20 years or so. 

 So, let’s just get back to worrying about cheating in the NFL, and more specifically, those evil cheating Patriots and Belichick.  Now that the Pats have lost, everyone should be focused on finding out if Tom Coffin is cheating.  Did he and the Giants video tape the Patriots sideline calls?  I have the feeling they did and I would like a complete investigation by the U.S. Senate as soon as possible, thank you very much.  Everyone from the NFL to the King of England to the U.S. Department of Football should be on this.  What?  The government doesn’t have a department of football?  The little people lose again.  Where’s Arlen Spector when you need him folks? 

 Oh, and like every year, fuck kiss Peyton Manning, fuck kiss that goofy smooth bastard friendly retarded intelligent little brother of his Eli Manning, and fuck kiss the Giants fans who wanted their coach fired and their QB traded in the third game of the season, only at the last minute to jump back on their team’s bandwagon.  You worthless useful assholes gentlemen deserve nothing everything and should be ashamed proud of pretending you cared halfway through the season. 

Sad Happy and pathetic touching, especially all you fans of the 30 other teams who just root against a team to make your pathetic touching teams look and feel better.  Time to move on to loving the Yankees you bandwagon faggots heterosexuals.  See your Hatriots asses next season, you crybaby bitches good friends. 


Peyton Manning Goes Fishing
Colts Lose!  Colts Lose!  Colts Lose!!!!!!!  All is right in the Universe. 
  • F*ck you Colts organization!  You get a free pass in the media and karma has once again shit on you like you deserve, and not in a good way, like when your daddy sneaks into your bedroom at 3 AM and does that to you in your trailer. 
  • F*ck you Colts fans!  I’ve never seen so many old ugly fat fans in the stands of a professional sporting event.  It looks like a weight watchers convention got double booked during the 10th annual butter-face convention in that circus tent you call a stadium.  Subway’s Jerrod just called, he wants his fat ass belly back.  
  • F*ck you Peyton Manning!  You are the most over-rated sports personality since, well, uh… since no one I guess, you’re it.  You are the entire list.  If I have to see one more commercial featuring you not giving advice on how you “deal” with your AIDS, I’ll go completely ape shit.  Quite “selling” (and by selling I mean whoring) yourself out like that $5 hand job hooker in Daytona Beach during spring break.  Yes, we’ll still have to see your ugly long horse face during the commercial breaks of the AFC Championship game and the Super Bowl, but not during the game folks!  For this, I thank you Jesus.