Category Archives: Parent of the Year

And In The News

Race War!  Race War!
The former Soviet Union (I refuse to call them Russia, those commie pinko faggots) has announced that it is “indeed in the lead to put a human on the moon Mars”.  Really former Soviet Union?  You’re going to put a human on Mars before the United States?  You know what, you’re probably right, and I would put money on that actually happening.  But, I’ll also put money on the United States putting a man on Mars and him actually returning to Earth alive first.  I would venture to say that the former Soviet Union already has quite a few “humans” on their way to Mars right now, and has been for 40 years or so.  Only when they launched, they called them Moon-landing missions back then. 

Police: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks
Yes, the headline says it all, but apparently this has nothing to do with the police in DC finding out the already well known and common fact that every man has an asshole.  The story is actually about a man being arrested for “supposedly” hiding twenty or so little baggies of crack in his butt-hole.  I really want to make a lot of jokes about this story right now, but the guy in the mugshot looks like he’d kill me, so I’m leaving it alone.  I will say this about that, it’s probably the last place they looked, so it wasn’t a horrible hiding place, unless of course you were the crackhead who bought it.  Actually, I think there should be a rule that if you can ram it up your ass before the cops can wrestle it away from you, then you should be free and clear.  Assault weapons ban, yeah right — for all AR-15 assault rifles not shoved up your booty hole.   

Child Abuse Case?
A St. Augustine woman was arrest for what obviously should qualify her as Parent of the Year.  Check out why kids…

Investigators say a woman accused of drunk driving had a case of beer buckled up safely, and a one year old girl sitting in the backseat without a seat-belt or car seat.

When asked why the girl wasn’t restrained, Williams reportedly told the officer, “I don’t know.”

Come on po po, technically a woman that drunk was probably going to flip the car anyway.  And if that happened it was probably better for the beer to be safely seat-belted securely in position instead of ten pounds of glass missiles in the cabin of the vehicle during the rollover.  Just imagine, broken beer bottles flying everywhere, possibly hurting the child.  I do love the “I don’t know” excuse.  Well played mommy.  I personally would have went with the “Did she unbuckle herself and seat-belt the case of beer in again?” excuse.  To each their own. 

Besides, we all know a case of beer won’t fit in a child seat anyway, only maybe a 12-pack tops.  So, just do what my dad did when I was little — seat-belt me into the backseat holding the case of beer.  The seat-belt will fit nicely over both a small child and the case of beer.  Innovation, meet dad.


Mommy, Where Do Dead Babies Come From?

Answer: From liberals just trying to help sweetie. 

In this article, a woman decided to save the planet by having herself sterilized, never to “accidentally” produce a baby again.  After getting pregnant several years ago she decided to have the baby scrambled and sucked from her womb.  Damn it, I mean fetus, her fetus scrambled and sucked from her womb!  And to think, if I were pregnant I’d be worried about silly things like whether the baby had ten fingers, ten toes, or was generally in good health.  I’m sooooo f**king selfish.  To each “his” own I guess. 

Well, believe it or not, it wasn’t enough to save the planet by just terminating her bab… err, I mean pregnancy. 

Incredibly, so determined was she that the terrible “mistake” of pregnancy should never happen again, that she begged the doctor who performed the abortion to sterilise her at the same time. 

So, this idiot can no longer reproduce… YAY!!!!  I have a quick question for her though.  Does she think that if Al Gore’s mom had an abortion that the planet would actually be better off today?  Actually, don’t answer that one, bad example.  I will agree with the obvious fact that it appears that this woman not being able to reproduce is in fact a good thing for the planet.  Remember, the nut rarely falls far from the tree (pardon the tree hugging pun).  As a matter of fact, I think all you “green” eco-friendly global warmists out there should do your part and get sterilized.  Screw carbon credits, I’m ready to purchase Sterilization Credits.  I got it — Footprint Credits!  Saving the planet by reducing actual footprints, one f**king liberal douchebag at a time! 

Jesus: Remember when you looked back and there were only one set of footprints on the beach during those tough times?  

You: Yes Jesus, I remember.  Was that when you were carrying me?

Jesus: No asshole, that was when you murdered your child and had a doctor remove my only true gift of creating life!  Thanks for saving the planet for the roaches though.  

You: Anytime Jesus.  Anytime.

Here Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby….

HDW Father Abraham Parent of the Year Award

And the first nomination for the 2007 HDW Father Abraham Parent of the Year award goes to the mother who dressed her daughter in a seal costume, well, just for a little fun.

Make sure you watch mommy in the corner laughing her ass off as her daughter is inches away from either drowning as a killer polar bear rips her to pieces, or dying of a heart attack at the ripe ole age of ten.  You stay classy parents.  You stay classy Japan.