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Okay, I’ve received about 50 emails over the past couple weeks outlining the “New President’s <insert something here>” and just to let everyone know… I GET IT, HE’S BLACK!!!!  We know, our president is a black guy but we’re going to have to be a little more original than this.  Ha, ha, ha, Air Force One is now the plane from that movie Soul Plane.  He, he, he, the White House will no longer stock mayo in the fridge but will carry magnums in the medicine cabinets.  LOL, the presidential automobile is now a stretch limo with 22s and a bad ass stereo system.  LMAO, the Secret Service agents are now issued weapons that are fully automatic and… oh wait, that’s the same.

Point being, it wasn’t funny to me when a president from Texas was parodied none stop as a cowboy or one from Arkansas a hillbilly.  This kind of humor is not funny people!!!!  Learn to have a little sensitivity and above all else, a sense of humor.  With that being said, this photo of the President’s New Dog is totally spot on.


Chairman 0bama’s Civilian National Security Force**
There’s only one thing worse than a nosy neighbor, and that’s a nosy neighbor who’s part of a civilian national security force.  Join Now!

**Child-sized Waffen shirts available in brown only.

Red Meat, Blue Balls!

Red Dawn
The attached image and link is that of the 2008 presidential election results by county.  Some interesting observations (besides all that red gun clinging).

  • Thanks a lot college towns of Gainesville and Tallahassee in Florida.  Isn’t it enough we’re paying for your college already?  You unappreciative assholes.
  • Check out that one big square in the middle of Maine that went for McCain.  Looks like Bob, Jimmy, and Bill, the only three guys that live in that area, are being surrounded.  Don’t give up!
  • Checkout the border counties with Mexico.  It almost forms a fence of blue.  And that’s the only fence you’ll see down there for a while.
  • California isn’t liberal, only the people who live at the beach.  And I’m assuming that red county in Southern California is called San Diego.
  • Oklahoma — The only state with every county going for one candidate.  I said state!  Small cities they call states like the Peoples Republic of Vermont doesn’t count.
  • That white county in the middle of Colorado…. they were all too stoned to go vote, so no one won.
  • If anyone can tell me exactly why there’s a distinct and defined strip of blue through the middle of the Carolinas, Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi I would appreciate it.  I checked google maps and it’s not a major Interstate system causing it.  It has me baffled.
REDRUM!

REDRUM!

We all get wrapped in the name calling and labeling of political candidates during the election; some more than others (wink, wink).  The left likes to call the right a bunch of Nazis and their leader Hitler, and the right likes to call the left a bunch of communists and their leader a douche…. wait, no, I mean Stalin.  This labeling itself is labeled hyperbole by those more tempered and reasoned in the middle — most of the time rightfully so.  Well, this article and particularly the below statement is where I feel comfortable enough to call a politician’s policy position surprisingly “Stalin-esque”, for lack of a better term.  Bring in the quote Internet….

“We cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we’ve set,” Obama said in July. “We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.”

Just as powerful and well-funded?  No, that’s not some tinpot dictator explaining to the “electorate” about the need for a security force to rival that of an existing military force to protect it from domestic tyranny.  More times than not—and in third world countries specifically—both military forces are controlled by rival political parties and used against those citizens they’re charged to protect.  A nationalized force under the command of one leader and without jurisdiction is the first and main ingredient in countries where a military Coup d’etat needs to occur for politicians to retain power beyond their constitutional shelf life.  Our constitution explicitly rejects a national police force for that very reason.  When a leader speaks of such things, regardless of party, we all need to take notice and speak out.  Please folks, pay attention beyond the American Idol election results for once in this country.

In an apparent mix up (or more like an ominous sign of things to come), people working hard for Chairman 0bama failed to “get paid” like they were promised.  Several hundred 0bama campaign workers were in long lines and angry over supposed unpaid wages.  One incensed worker put it all into prose only a great poet could manage.

“I want my money today! It’s my money. I want it right now!” yelled one former campaign worker.

As the day wore on, several people began to get really mad and wondered when they were “gettin’ paid”.  Speak power to truth my friend….

“Still that’s not right. I’m disappointed. I’m glad for the president, but I’m disappointed in this system,” said Diane Jefferson, temporary campaign worker.

You’re disappointed in the system?  Get on the bus my friend.  You think that line was long…. wait until you have a tumor and need a CT Scan.

“It should have been $480. It’s $230,” said Imani Sankofa.

“They gave us $10 an hour. So we added it. I added up all the hours so it was supposed to be at least $120. All I get is $90,” said Charles Martin.

Hmmmm?  Mr. Martin worked $120 dollars worth and only got paid $90?  That’s just like a 25% tax rate!!!!!  Imani worked even harder and earned $480 but only got paid $230?  Oh my God, that’s like a 47% tax rate!!!!  They shouldn’t be allowed to take more from you just because you worked longer hours.  That must be very taxing on Imani.

“I worked nine hours a day for 4 days and got paid half of what I should have earned,” said Randall Waldon.

What?  You were taxed at a 50% rate and Imani was taxed only 47% just because you worked harder and longer and earned more?  Oh, hell no!!!!!

Some people weren’t satisfied with filling out a claim form for money they felt was still due to them.

Yeah!  No American should have to fill out countless forms to get their money.  I wonder if they’re going to make you wait until April 15 to give you your hard earned money too?  Assholes!!!

“They say that they gonna call you or they going to mail it to you, but I don’t know. We’ll see what happens,” said Antron Grose.

“Talking about they’ll mail it to us. I ain’t worried about that, man. They’re not going to mail nothin’,” said Martin.

I’m going out on a limb here and venture to say that the reporter got Antone’s name wrong; unless of course his momma was a big Voltron fan.  But it’s good to see that Martin has faith in the system and believes they’re going to not not mail him somethin’ soon though.  You still have hope for that change my man, and I respec that (even though for two straight days now I’ve walked by the bus station and there’s still poor people waiting on the bus).

Just like me, Martin is not going to not think 0bama is not a great president and pay his bills on time.  Just don’t let them float you a microwaved check on the Friday before a three day weekend Martin.  If that’s going to be the case, just pay me in cheese, thank you very much.

On Your Marx…

O Marx The Spot
Anyone that knows me knows I have a special place in my heart for politicians who use class warfare and welfare as a means to redistribute wealth and gain power.  The purpose of a governments power of taxation is to collectively pool resources together and perform tasks and build infrastructure that the private sector is unwilling or incapable of performing (i.e., roads, bridges, militia).  Collecting taxes explicitly for the purpose of giving free health care to 10% of the population at a cost to the other 90% (cost in dollar amount and quality of care) is not what our government is tasked with doing according to our constitution.

Today, the power to tax is the power to kill or take someone’s life.  Taking money from someone who spends valuable time away from their families earning it is the same as a government imprisoning someone.  My federal government has taken five years of my life away by threat of imprisonment and everyone else who had made the conscious decision to actually work for a living.  Those who spent years getting an education and forgoing partying throughout their twenties are now going to be asked to finance another persons decade of drinking, getting high, screwing around, and spitting out babies.  We all make choices and we should all have to live with those choices.

But alas, alone comes our savior.  Our lord and savior Chairman 0bama.  The audio in the link above is further and mounting proof that this country is soon going to be a socialist nation, filled with the have nots and the have nots.  Oh, and the political elites, aka the haves……. Marx Chairman 0bama’s words!

Yes, She Can!

After watching Mrs. Palin, I want the ticket flipped — McCain For VP, Palin for President!

Sorry John, but Mrs.Palin is absolutely bad to the bone.  The only thing I worried about was her speaking skills.  Well, I got to tell you that after watching her first speech, I’m not worried anymore.  Not at all.  Can she speak?  YES, SHE CAN!  Can she lead?  YES, SHE CAN!  Can she hunt, and fish, and raise a family of five (including a special needs child), and be a beauty queen, and become mayor, and become governor, and reform state wide corruption?  YES, SHE CAN (and did)!

Can she become VP?  YES, SHE CAN!

Can she become president?  YES, SHE CAN!

I just can’t stop thinking about what Hillary is doing right now.  She’s probably still in her bedroom, still in bed, and still in her long flannel granny pajamas, curled up with a large box of bonbons and Kleenex watching CNN while Bubba keeps bringing in various soups for her to try.  “I hate you Bill and this sh|tty worthless and loveless marriage I endured for you… and for what?  Why lord, why?!?!?  I could’ve married Webster Hubbell when I had the chance.”  To which Bill will reply, “Wait, is that Palin speaking on TV?  That’s not her daughter?  <mumbling under his breath>Wow, the chicks are that hot in Alaska!?!?  Honey, you know what you need?  A long vacation.  Hey, I’ve got an idea.  Let’s buy a nice summer vacation home…. in Alaska!”  To which Hillary will snap back, “It’s winter and we can’t afford it Bill, I spent all our money on a failed campaign, remember that asshole?”  While running out of the room and slamming the door to avoid the hot bowl of soup Hillary threw at him, he replies, “YES, WE CAN!”

And to think, the best part of all.  Now our grandchildren will never ever ever need to know who Hillary Clinton was when they read their history books.  “Look Mommy, one of many random and generic senators from New York!”  And Bill Clinton will not be the first first gentleman either.  Be gone Clintons, be gone forever!  This is a great day in history for history my friends.  A great day indeed.  Drinks on me!

Note: About six minutes into the video, check out what this photographer decided to do.  Not cool dude, not cool.  A little respect for our future VP (and four years from now, president).

Not that I usually post about the deaths of Russian literary giants, but I will make a rare exception in the case of the great Alexander Solzhenitsyn, who died this week.  He wrote the novel One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich that happened to steer me into the rabid commie/politician hating conservative that I am today, so I own him (and my father) a lot of respect for such a great gift.  You can thank (or curse) them both for my rantings and ravings as well.

I highly recommend to anyone that they read some of his works about the “fun side” of socialism/communism and their cool winter labor camps known affectionately by Stalin as gulags.  The next time you long for your government to grow and take care of you and your children, just think of Ivan Denisovich.  If you think John McCain endured intense pain for his country, wait until you read Denisovich.  At least in McCain’s case it was his enemy—not his own government—that inflicted it upon him.

Rest in peace comrade Ivan, rest in peace.

After seeing the new batman movie The Dark Knight and it having time to sink in over the last few days, I was thinking about some of the underlying themes and plot lines within the movie.  After much thought I realized that a couple of them, and batman in general, were analogous to America and world events today.  Even one of the movie posters have me thinking about this.  Does that scene look familiar?  Take my opinion, as with all of my opinions, with many grains of salt, but I find it hard to believe the producers and directors don’t intentionally create subliminal messages or simple subtext.  So, let’s begin.

One of the quick and obvious correlations between America and Batman would be the need for temporary private data collection, giving them the tools to save lives in the battle against terrorism.  Batman’s cellphone SONAR program, regardless of it’s blatant intrusion on privacy, was temporarily necessary to stop the bad guy of the day.  Yes, Batman may have played fast and loose with civil liberties, but he ensured it was put into place in a temporary fashion, giving someone else control to end the program immediately after it’s use was no longer needed.

Batman is also a young naive rich man with big ideals and even bigger ideas.  Nice Batpod, dude!  Nice space shuttle, man!  America gets labeled with the, “oh, you’re like a rich teenager with a bunch of money to burn trying to tell others how to live or what to do.”  I’ve been told by several people that America is looked upon world wide as a rich child incapable of making rational decisions because of its rather young existence on the world stage.  Even though both Batman and America have saved everyones asses before, no one really cares now.  Both Gotham and the world have very short term memories and a “what have you done for me lately” mentality.  Remember, two of Batman’s greatest assets (since he has no super powers) is his youth and, well, his assets.  Exuberant youth and tons and tons of cash to spend and do what is needed to win.  This is also one of America’s strongest assets as well.  What some feel is blind arrogance I feel is one of our most important assets — youth and money.  Old and rich just gets you someone like Alfred… also known as a country like England.  Wise yes, but the wherewithal to fight the good fight is just not there like it used to be back in the glory days.  Keep trying to give us good advice old chap, but after that just bring us our work boots, tights, and cape please.

Batman also has certain codes, codes he tries to never break, even when it’s at a detriment to himself.  He will sacrifice and put himself in harm’s way just to ensure these codes aren’t broken and civilians are protected.  Nothing sounds more American than this one.  We’ve bent over backwards to minimize civilian casualties and protect civilians and have lost good men in the process.  Soldiers lay their lives down every day in the world in an attempt to protect the innocent.  That’s what we do, protect the innocent.  Do you really think oil rich next door neighbors Canada and Mexico would exist today if our “super power” was used for imperialistic purpose?  Of course not, but we have a code, we have honor.

An even more glaring but not as obvious similarity was what Alfred said to Batman.  And I paraphrase, “The ones doing the hard and nasty work necessary to ensure the survival of civilization is almost universally hated for taking on said task.”  Not sure what the exact quote was (I will find it soon), but sitting in the movie at the time I felt the statement explained well what America is going through now.  Sometimes the right thing to do makes you unpopular and unlovable, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the right thing to do and that it still has to be done.  If you’re lucky only half of the people involved will hate you for your actions.  Alfred’s point was that it’s easy to be liked when you’re doing nothing and not getting your hands dirty.  Some politicians want us to be liked all around the world and will pay any long term cost for such a short term gain.  Anyone who has ever done anything that requires making tough decisions knows full well you’re more than likely not going to be liked for making them.  But who’s going to make them?  Canada?  France?  Germany?  These countries, which I like to call Robin, are great as sidekicks but would get their asses handed to them without Batman there to bail them out.  Trust me, the Jokers of the world like Hitler, Stalin, and Saddam, would love for these much loved countries of the world to be the only “super powers”.  Villains love job security.

So, it’s easy.  We can finally be liked again simply by going back to the days of a playboy like Bill Clinton (Bruce Wayne pre-batman), where we drop a few dollars on charity events here and there (symbolism over substance), making us feel good and loved by all, but solve and preserve nothing.  Or, we can fight our enemies to protect what we hold to be true and right while being a target figuratively and quite literally.  Ultimately, we’ll be hated by all who take freedom for granted and think it’s just there without anyone needing to protect it, and fight for it, and bleed for it, and even die for it.  I don’t know about you, but I’m with Batman…. and America.  At least until Captain America comes out.

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